Life this week...

The past few days have been a little tough and seem to have gone in a blur! What with work stress, evening classes and the work we need to do on the house before the baby is born its seeming to get on top of us a little..I feel like i need a day of not worrying about anything and just chilling out..anyone want to pay for me to have a pamper day? 
On Sunday evening Tom and I attended a home birth talk in St Werburghs Wild Goose Centre, they hold a talk on the first Sunday of each month between 7-9 covering lots of topics in regards to home birth. Last Sunday's was called 'can I have a home birth?'. 
The first half on the session involved a mother of a 5 month old coming in and telling us her birth story. It was really beautiful and encouraging to hear how great her experience had been (her first child had been born in hospital, second at home) and was good to have the comparison as she had experienced both types of birth. Another girl who was attending the class was expecting her third child and works as a midwife, she had her first child at 20 and was told she wouldn't be able to have a home birth as she was 'too young to handle the pain' so she changed her midwife three times until she found one that would support her. She had a good experience with her first although it was a large baby (10.4!) but was told with her second it would be at least 11lbs and if she had it at home 'it could get stuck and die' she felt pressured to have her second in hospital and the baby turned out to only be 8lbs so she is having her third at home and it was really helpful to hear from someone a similar age to me who was so knowledgeable and confident. 
The second half was a little more confusing, we were given scenarios such as 'if *sarah is more than two weeks overdue can she still have a homebirth?' we then went to different sides of the hall in relation to if we thought the answer was yes or no and discussed why we thought that (by the way the answer is yes you just have to fight your ground). Which was great but the class speakers then didn't give any answers, i appreciate that sometimes there is no right or wrong answer but I worry that some people may have come away more confused than when they arrived! 

I think i'm really lucky that my mum is a midwife and had myself and my siblings all at home as i'm totally confident about the birth and more excited than worried. Its also good to know that if I have any questions about anything I can just call her rather than wait for my next appointment. I am hoping my mum will be able to make it to the birth which will be a huge comfort as I know that she will fight my corner if anyone is trying to make me do something I dont want to (i.e asking me to come in to hospital due to short staff numbers, it seems rude but really its within your right to refuse). A neighbour lent me a Hypnobirth book and there are lots of points that I think really make sense, there is a lot of emphasis on positivity and getting your self into a calm frame of mind. It advises that if anyone tries to tell you horror stories or is making you feel negative you should politely tell them you are not interested in hearing it. Thats not to say i'm not interested in people's experiences, i've happily asked my recent mum friends about their experiences as i find it really interesting and not all of them have been positive either but I have to say there are a few people I know who seem to be trying and get me worried and worked up and I think they are getting a bit annoyed that I'm not! 
It makes perfect sense to me to go into something like giving birth with a positive calm frame of mind rather than the mind set that something will go wrong and it will be horrible. If you are panicked you will realise adrenalin which will slow down labour (as you go into fight or flight mode). I understand that sometimes things do go wrong and some people dont have healthy pregnancies and there are lots of variables in regards to what kind of birth you will have and I hope I am lucky enough to continue to have a healthy pregnancy with no complications. I also understand that some people may actually feel more calm in a hospital than at home and I am not judging anyone for the type of birth that want to have. But for me I know I will feel a million times more happy in my own home and that things going wrong in birth should be thought of as the exception and not the rule. Its kind of odd but I feel like I am more often than not fighting my corner in my decision to have this baby at home, not actually from my midwife but from certain people. Its a bit puzzling as I dont understand why it would cause that reaction in people but I am hoping to prove them wrong!

This morning I was supposed to attend my first anti-natal class, I have signed up for NCT ones as well as the free NHS ones but I wanted to attend both to see how they differed. Unfortunately my google maps sent me 45 minutes walk in the wrong direction into a residential area and by the time I got to the (wrong) destination and realised my error I was way to late to try and make it to the correct one and burst into tears! I know its not the end of the world as I can attend the other two and I still have my NCT ones but I was so tired and overheated and annoyed with myself it was hard not to get upset. I think thats the first time I have burst into tears in public on my own which at 30 weeks I think is an ok record! 
I did come home to this amazing picture of our cats by my little brother though which made me smile! 


abigailemily said...

It's weird that in this day and age you find yourself having to fight your corner a lot more for the more natural way of parenting, the parenting that is age old and led by instinct, such as home birth, breast feeding, not using a dummy, co sleeping and blw. Everyone has an opinion on something and yes people love to tell horror stories! My birthstory isn't exactly thenmost positive as it Didn't go the way I 'planned' it to, but ended well and positive as I had a happy healthy baby and I was fine too! (hope I haven't been too negative in the past when talking to you about it!)

I admire you for having a homebirth and I did consider it myself, but what with moving and 1st birth I decided it best to be in hospital, but next time around (eeek) I'm thinking I will try and go down that route!

And having your mum there, being a midwife or not is such a lovely reassurance and will hopefully make the experience better for you!

But hooray for being strong about what you want!

Anonymous said...

I love this post. I don't actually plan on having children - but I do understand why you'd want to have them at home. I'm terrified of hospitals etcetera, and would prefer to be somewhere I know and feel safe. I think people love to tell horror stories about anything, but ones about having children are the worst - especially when they're telling a pregnant woman. Keep calm and happy, and you'll be fine!

Laura Face-Palmer said...

my little girl s just about to turn 2 years old...she was born at home with no drugs but a little gas and air.
it was perfect. everything went as planned and i will definitely be having our second baby at home in the future...
i didn't plan the birth much, we just did what felt right...i thought we'd be in the bed room for most of the time but it turned out we stayed in the living room for the majority of the time, walking up and down stairs to go to the loo helped keep things moving...then the midwife suggested pushing on the toilet, as it helps you get in the right position, so we went up to the bathroom and i ended up giving birth leaning over the bath, with my husband sitting in the bath! go for it! xxx

Eleanor said...

My experience, it's a positive one! I loved reading birth stories when I was pregnant and gleaning as much advice as I could so here's my 2p worth!:

I had my first baby on 4th Sept - really wanted a home birth and I got really close, got to 8cm and transition after 2 and a half days of labour at home - but then my contractions slowed down again and after 2 hours i still hadnt dilated any further, had anterior lip of cervix still there, my son's head was in a strange position and not descending and I was physically exhausted from 2 nights of no sleep. so we transferred to hospital and they put me on the synctocin drip to get my contractions going again - 1 and a half hours later my son was born naturally, just a small graze for me and I only pushed for 38 minutes! Never had (or felt like I needed) any more pain relief than gas & air and I enjoyed the whole thing, even the huge mind blowing contractions brought on by the drip!

All my midwives (NHS) were astonishing and brilliant, I am disappointed I didn't get to have my son at home but pleased with my experience overall.

My advice - have gas & air, it's brilliant stuff, and really practice relaxing your body physically as this made a massive difference to the intensity of the contractions and my ability to cope. Rather than just relying on yourself to relax when labour starts because you know it will help- i recommend actually practicing and doing a natal hypnotherapy session (there are several cd's around) every day in the last few weeks. I listened every day to one for a month and it definitely made a huge difference.

Lastly from my experience, I did not expect a hospital transfer but I see it was necessary and I was still able to have a positive birth experience. Just keep in mind that all might not go according to your plan and go with the flow, However I'm sure you will be fine and have a lovely home birth! The most important thing I can advise is to relax relax relax

Lizzie said...

Hello :)
This is Lizzie who bumped into you at Montpelier station a week or so ago and had to do a double take and say hello.
It was lovely to meet you, although I felt rather strange and I hope it didn't weird you out! Sorry it was brief, I was on my way to work and I just felt a bit odd reading your blog so knowing little snippets of you, yet you having no idea about me or even that I read your blog.

So here is a little link to my online presence so you can have a little look and so I don't have any guilt for the very one-sided knowledge!
http://lizzie-staley.tumblr.com/ if you click on the photos it will take you through to my flick where there is more of my activities.

That is really encouraging that you are thinking about homebirth. I would like to do that but don't know much about my options here. I have read an American blog or two (Dear Baby and Marvelous Kiddo) and read some birth stories.

I do have a local friend who wanted to do homebirth, but complications happened so she couldn't, but she has written about her journey here: http://circusqueen.co.uk/

Have a wonderful week :)

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

thanks so much for all your comments! I really enjoy reading the, especially the birth stories :) @eleanor I totally agree re:hospital transfer. We would have loved to do the hypno course but they are £500 in our area! We have a few CD's now though so am looking forward to getting into them.
@lizzie hello again! I wanted to pop over to your blog but had forgot the name by the time I had got home, will pop over now! :) xxx

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