Tigerlilly Quinn: 36 Weeks

Friday, 18 November 2011

36 Weeks

Please excuse grainy phone pictures, my official photographer is going to have his hands tied for this evening and weekend working on our kitchen. I would leave it until next week but then its practically 37 weeks so these will have to do. And anyway I guess it more honest for me to show you how it is at 36 weeks..eight months = jarmer time and no make up for sure.

Four weeks to go (give or take) and one week until I reach full term! 
I'm not sure if its the way everyone feels or if it is due to losing a baby previously but each week I think 'yes we made another week, well done baby!' my goals are only to reach the following week and I actually didn't ever think we would make it this far. Each week I look at how likely survival rates and disability rates are and each week they get better and better and I feel less and less nervous. 
That being said, baby please please do not come this week because we are not ready for you! Tom and his friend have been ripping out our kitchen and levelling the floor, this means our living room is now our kitchen and we do the washing up in the bath. I am so grateful for Tom's friend helping us with this as our previous kitchen didn't even have a floor (it needed levelling before one could even go down). It needs a few days to dry before they can start work on the actual kitchen but should hopefully be finished by the end of the weekend. I know it will be so worth it and there was no point in waiting until the baby was born (I don't even think we could have had a baby in there as it was) but every time I go downstairs I feel my heart racing in anxiousness. I think part of this is because the midwife is coming over this weekend to go through our home birth plan and I have this stupid thing in my head that she will look at all the mess and say we are not allowed one after all, ha! 



Once the kitchen is done I think I will be going fully into nesting mode, I already feel it which is why the house being the way it is now (lots of our living room stuff is now in the bedroom too) is stressing me out a little. All I can think about it cooking and cleaning (I know right!?) the day before the kitchen was ripped out I made (from scratch) mushroom pie,macaroni cheese and veggie chilli (all to freeze). I know these are not very complicated dishes but from a lady whos idea of cooking is heating up pasta pillows or making a stir fry they are culinary masterpieces thank you very much. 
I really want to be the kind of mama that can cook and sew and knit (I am going to have to work on the knitting thing as I am not a natural). I want to make (veggie) sunday dinner and pancakes for breakfast and be able to sew fancy dress costumes. I am not talking right away btw I realise the first few months are going to be such hard work and if we actually manage to eat something half nutritious it will be a miracle. 
I don't know if its because as a child I lived quite a nomadic life in that we moved house a lot, moved areas of the country (or lived in a tent in spain). Not that I didn't have a stable upbringing, I always felt secure about my family being there for me but constantly being the new kid in school or knowing where we were living wasn't ever going to be a permanent fixture did leave a sense of insecurity. I think maybe because of this I have always craved the opposite. Where as my parents loved to travel I have never had any desire to leave the country other than a week or so in France or Greece a year (and even then we are always so happy when we get home). The thought of spending the next ten years in a house we have bought and made our own makes me happy, knowing and building up friendships with our neighbours makes me feel secure where as I know it would make my parents feel claustrophobic. Maybe my cravings for this domestic lifestyle are a rebellion of my parents free spirited lifestyle and maybe Wilfryd will grow up wanting to travel and explore! However if I am lucky enough to have a long lasting and loving relationship as my parents have then I will be very happy indeed. 
Yesterday marked the last of our NCT classes also, I'm grateful that Tom was able to attend all of them with me. At our class last week we had to do an exercise where our teacher Alison played a recording of a new born baby crying for about 20 minutes, we then had a doll that was the same weight as a new born that we passed around the group trying to think of ways to sooth it. The problem was I was second to last out of about nine of us and the time it had come to me the screaming was so loud and everyone had been through everything I could think of. I felt so panicked and aware that everyone had thought of something useful I just said 'I've ran out of options! I don't know what to do!' the teacher then explained that the baby would be able to sense the stress from me so now would be a good time if possible to pass to Tom (which I did immediately) or if alone to leave the room for a couple of minutes to breath and come back to the situation, when I passed it to Tom he had about three great ideas! When we left I said to Tom 'god that was stressful wasn't it' and Tom replied 'I didn't find it that bad', which is great in a way, as I keep seeing more and more how great Tom is going to be (he is so involved in the classes and enthusiastic when talking about looking after the baby) but makes me feel a little apprehensive about how I am going to be. 
The whole time you are pregnant all you really think about it the birth and preparing for that, and where as the birth isn't making me very nervous at all (if something goes wrong or i find its bad I'll deal with it then, no point worrying about what may might never be) what happens in the first few weeks afterwards is making me a little stressed! 
Tom and the other NCT dads have all already agreed to meet up with the babies after the birth to give us ladies sometime for ourselves (like a long bath) or to meet up and have a glass of wine without the babies. Its funny how they all got on so well, but really great and another reason I would recommend the NCT classes to anyone. It really helps dads to feel involved and confident, after our breastfeeding class I confessed i had been feeling tired and sleepy and wasn't sure if I had paid attention enough and Tom said 'don't worry I was paying attention for you, I'll help you'. He's going to be such an amazing dad. xoxo

10 comments:

Amy Hindes said...

Is it Rog who's doing your kitchen? You look great, btw xx

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

Yep! lifesaver!
Thank you x

lou said...

Wow this is so very similar to me. We gutted our home when I was 7 months pregnant and re-did electrics, central heating and bathroom. And then when I was 8 months preggers with Rufus (my 2nd child) we ripped out the kitchen and knocked through the kitchen diner. SO yes, I know how you feel. BTW...dispite the mess we still had home births and the midwives didn't care about the crap all around us (I think they see much worse). You look gorgeous, blooming. Lou x

Catherine Palairet Stone said...

I'm exactly the same for the "yes. we've reached another week" bit. I worry it means I won't be prepared for an actual baby as I'm more worried it's not going to happen this time again. But seeing your weekly journey is really helping me thinking a bit more positively . I'm still very excited about it all, but having a mc really does put a dampener on the next pregnancy! Anyway, good luck for the next few weeks! I'm so excited for you guys, it's lovely seeing the bump getting bigger and bigger on your photos (I won't mention the boobies too :) )

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

@lou I'm so glad you said that! And that everything went ok, its great to hear! :) x
@Catherine, I think that must be the way for pregnancy after MC we just have to be grateful for our healthy babies this time round!How many weeks are you now? And I know (re:boobies) tell me about it!lol x

Red Boots said...

I know how you feel about being feeling stressed and just wanting to get everything in order and in it's place. I had a total meltdown on Sunday - tears and everything. Our baby's room is currently bare unpainted plaster, and all of the furniture and baby things are piled up in our hall, our bedroom, our stairs and the living room. Our bedroom is full of furniture that we need to move to my parents house. The kitchen needs papered and painted and shelves putting up! It feels like it will never be finished and I keep telling the baby to stay in for one more week so we can do more things to the house!

I have always told the baby to stay in 'just one more week' since the very beginning. I think because things happened so quick for us I was convinced that something would go wrong. I remember being so so relieved when I reached the 25 week mark as I had read that some babies born that early do survive. Every week past then has always seemed a bonus to me.

xx

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

I'm glad there is something in the same situ as me (and we are the same number of weeks) makes me feel a little less stressed! I know it will all be fine in time (for both of us) but I guess we have both been hit by the nesting thing which doesn't help when we are living in chaos!
I know what you mean about the 25 weeks thing too, to know it could maybe survive then was a relief, my friends bf was born at 27 weeks and you would never tell to look at him now! One more week and we can breath a lot easier! :) xxx

Bianca said...

It's funny you talk about your nomadic upbringing and your desire to put your roots down as a result of this. My upbringing was similar. I moved more than 10 times, and to 4 different countries, due to parents moving for work. By the time I reached my teens I really quite resented it (like you say, it doesn't get easier, and it's hard work being the new kid again and again). I have since felt the need to find a place I can call home and really put my roots down. As soon as I decide between Melb and Bristol (which - for the first time in my life - will be my decision), that's it, roots down and no plans to move ever again! I'm hugely sentimental, find comfort in familiarity, and i'm a complete hoarder, probably a knee-jerk reaction to never being able to hold onto my belongings as a kid.

So I think that probably means my kids will want to travel the world and be the opposite of me, ha! Swings and roundabouts I guess. :)

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

@bianca I can totally empathise on how your moving around has made you feel. And I can totally imagine you settling down and sewing and knitting and doing a house with all your DIY skills too! I hope you chose Bristol! :) (and our kids will have to go off and be the adventurous ones) xx

Bianca said...

Ha, yep that's fine by me :)

I'll be so excited when I can finally make a decision and know it's the right one. I'm super eager to get on with my life! Can't wait to rip apart kitchens and so on once I finally get to that stage!

Hope it's all coming together for you in the run up to the baby arriving. Have you got a kitchen again? And glad to hear the midwife visit went well the other day! (Catching up on your blog as internet was on the blink for a few weeks!) x

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