Tigerlilly Quinn: Pregzilla

Friday, 25 November 2011


I'm going to be completely honest and say today I officially become Pregzilla, my hormones have completely overthrown me and I feel like there is nothing I can do about it. Up until this point I am pretty sure I have been a fairly rational and patient person but today in my 37th week of pregnancy I am a grumpy and emotional mess. 
I started the day by snapping at my boyfriend, and have let myself cry about three times before lunch. My horrible dreams are back and I cant stop worrying about the future. Am I going to be able to do this? to be a mum, to have my life completely change, to have this person depend on me. Am I going to be able to make the right choices and do the right things, to always make the time and always be there. Its the fear of the unknown, I don't know how I will be, how Tom will be, how our relationship will be and as awful as it sounds I feel like I'm grieving for the end of just us, me and Tom being enough for each other. 
I hate myself for sounding so selfish,I feel like such a bad person,I shouldn't be thinking any of things. I love my baby and I know how lucky I am to be having this baby, I honestly honestly do, whilst I write this & my tummy is moving around with my squirmy baby I am willing him to know how much I do love him but I'm scared and overwhelmed. Its all come so soon and I don't know if I'm ready. Should I even be confessing to this, shouldn't I be on top of this? Did anyone else ever feel this way?


Bianca said...

I think it's completely natural to feel that way before the baby is due (and after!). It's so close now and you must be overflowing with hormones, emotions and lack of sleep.. that can't be helping with the feelings of being overwhelmed!

But the very fact that you are having all these thoughts and worrying so much about it, just shows how brilliant a mum you will be. You're thoughtful, kind and caring. And your little one will be so lucky to have you as a mummy! Hope you feel better soon and don't fret too much! x x

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

Thanks so much Bianca, I do think my hormones cant be helping and your right about the sleep thing too. Trying not to totally freak out today, think I need a good day of chill and not thinking to much on things! xx

Abby Illustration said...

You don't sound selfish at all! And you're certainly not a bad person.

You want your baby to be happy and I imagine it's pretty normal to worry about how you will cope. You're doing so well so far, you've made great decisions (sleeping arrangements, stages of birth etc), you've made your home beautiful and you and Tom are such a lovely couple and will soon be lovely parents. (I'm sure things will change a little, but you'll have something even more special and will have to fit in some you time! You'll have loads of people wanting to babysit!) Your little Wilfred is a lucky boy to have you :)

I'm really not surprised you're feeling overwhelmed! It's so close and you've got time to think! But just remember, he is just as lucky to have you as you are to have him! xx

chloewitters said...

All very natural emotions. I remember feeling exactly the same way as I neared the end of my pregnancy. I think it's our mind's way of preparing us. I don't think you ever feel completely ready for this, because you can't truely comprehend what you are getting ready for. But once your baby arrives you won't be able to imagine it any other way, or want it any other way.

Lil said...

awww chick!! all totally normal feelings, the fact you feel a bit sad its the end of being just you two shows indeed you are ready cos you understand just what a huge impact being a mum has, not selfish at all in fact the total opposite Id say.

if you cant rest keep busy and try not to dwell and fret about stuff. Wilfryd will think you are an amazing Mum however much you worry xxxxxxxxxx

abigailemily said...

Yep all normal! I had these exact same anxieties too. For the last week or so I literally clung to rob, and when we were leaving for the hospital when I was in labour I didn't want to let him go, or let us go. I was constantly worried about it being the end of our relationship just us two. But it really is amazing when the baby finally arrives, because it's still you two, but then there is this amazing little being you both created, and he will be this little living proof that you are together and love eachother, like a constant reminder of what love is! And plus you'll see a new side of Tom, and when you see him holding your baby, you'll fall in love with him all over again. I just remember looking at Rob then at theo and thinking, we made him. I still do!

And yeh it's completely normal to feel anxious and under prepared. If you felt completely calm I'd feel more worried about you! Your body is gearing up for its biggest challenge, and it's just impossible for your brain to comprehend how it's going to be with him finally there. But when he is your instincts kick in and you sort of forget about that fact you don't know what the hell you are doing! You just do it! (anything to stop him crying!)

But like everyone else has said, you are going to be amazing and every choice you have made has been so thoughtful of baby and unselfish. I really hope wilfryd has a safe and peaceful passage into this world, and I know he will be surrounded by so much love, and that is all he needs.

I literally can't wait to meet him xxx

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

Thanks so much for your lovely comments! I feel much better now, I think it was a moment of blind panic but I'm really thankful for all of your reassuring words! Abby I remember you saying you had felt the same way, which was reassuring to know as I know how strong you and your family are :) xxx

Kim Jenkins said...

only now reading this post and I know you've been reassured already but I felt exactly the same way! It feels like such a long wait throughout the most of the pregnancy but then in that last stretch it feels so scary to know that the waiting could come to an end at any minute! Also the fact that you are 'grieving' as you called it for the 'us time' between you and Tom, shows that you are ready. You realise that it will be different and that there will be someone else to think about soon. A friend of mine never thought about this before she had her baby and it was a total shock when she suddenly had next to no time alone with hubby.

You will be an amazing mum, you are thoughtful, loving and creative. Three things that make the perfect mum :).

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

@thanks Kim xx

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