Musings on a Thursday evening..

Here are some musings on a Thursday evening:
1, When Wilf was born I thought, 'I love you'. Of course I loved him, he was my baby, I fed him and cuddled him and kissed him and thought 'thats it, thats the feeling of love you have for your baby'. I was wrong, if I compare my feelings then to how I feel about him now they barely compare. Now I feel like I truly know what love is. Its fierce and intense, I would do anything for him. When I'm away from him (like having a sneaky soak in the bath whilst Tom amuses him in the evening) I miss him. If family or friends are holding him, playing with him for a long period of time I ache to hold him again. His smile fills me with a happiness I have never felt before. And his cooing conversations with me make me feel we are really connected, I am learning about him and him me. This is how I feel at 12 weeks into motherhood, I cant imagine how I could love him any more but at the same time know there is so much more love to come. I may look back at this post in months to come and think 'how silly! you thought that was love? look how much you love now!' Whenever I think like this I envision that bit in the 'Grinch Who Stole Christmas' whose heart grew three sizes. 
2, My relationship with Tom has changed. It was bound to of course but it is changed in ways I didn't think it would. My emotions are stronger, the good and the bad. Seeing Tom as a father makes me love him in a way I cant explain but there are times when I feel resentful of him too. When Tom gets to leave the house alone I feel jealous but when I think of him working everyday to support his family I feel so proud and grateful for him. Mostly though when I see him interacting with his son, supporting and being patent of me when I am tired and snappy I cant believe how lucky we got. 
3, Its international women's day today, since I became a mum (since I became pregnant even) I have greater respect and admiration for women all over. Not just mums but women as a whole, the amazing things we can do. Which women inspire you? I would place Jane Goodall  Margaret Atwood and Alice Walker as three that come to mind at the moment, I'm sure I will think of a lot more as soon as I press 'publish post' xoxo 


Fran said...

Lovely post Fritha! It's lovely to read about your journey into motherhood and how it's changing and growing every day.

MilkChic said...

So true! I was listening to a love song in the car today, and realised that it probably wan't written about a lover at all... motherhood is a wonderful and many-splendoured thing xxx

Polly said...

Beautiful post. I sometimes feel jealous of G's freedom to go out the house and switch off from being a parent.

But I hate being far from the girls for too lOng!

Lil said...

awww its amazing isn't it ? the first few months are so special and as he gets older you will find time to get out and do some things by yourself, it all balances out as time goes on.

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

Thanks for your comments ladies!
@milkchic your so right! I'm hearing them all in a different light! x

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