My mum and sister visited last week (as I mentioned). I also mentioned missing my family and I guess that feeling is still lingering. I have no desire to move back to West Wales (as pretty as it is) I love Bristol but I wish they all lived here too!
As I'm sure you are sick of hearing Wilf doesn't sleep for any long lengths of time, since four months old he has never slept longer than two hours in a row. I got used to it pretty quickly and co-sleeping saved me from going completely loopy. But the past two of three nights he has woken up and actually cried, needed taking out the bed and rocked to sleep..I have been putting Wilf to bed and spending a few hours with Tom in the evening meaning I go to sleep about 10.30 now instead of 7.30 with Wilf..and I guess both those things combined are leaving me pretty exhausted. I need my own time or time with Tom, I need to have a bath, work on a commission or chill out with Tom on the sofa so going to bed with Wilf that early again would seem like a step backward.
Yesterday Wilf grizzled ALL day, he was upset but desperately trying not to be, I think his gums hurt and he was trying SO hard to crawl and it was frustrating him. It ended up not being able to brush my hair or apply any makeup. I was still in my apartment pants at midday and so decided it was too late by then to even attempt getting dressed properly.
Last night Wilf fell out of our bed..I *think* the monitor light was on and I have previously caught him dragging himself towards it from our bed to the bedside table. I woke to the sound of a BUMP!...silence..then screams and screams..Wilf cried I cried and begged him to forgive me, I checked him all over for cuts or bumps..when I finally got him back to sleep (in his co-sleeper) I watched him and woke every half an hour to check he was breathing..then he woke every two hours crying, we walked up and down, we were awake from 5.30..I had a headache (still do), I wouldn't be surprised if Wilf did too.
This morning he cried when I dressed him, cried if I tried to feed him, read him books..I changed him and he was happier but I got covered in poo (sorry folks this is real life with a baby, poo is involved..a lot of poo)..I got myself changed but felt like crying...
I cant help thinking about how much easier it would be if my family were near, if I could have an hour to wash/tidy the house/get things done..Wilf will mainly only sleep in the day if I constantly rock him (like now) which is great for blogging but not so much for anything else (including even trying to go to the loo!).
I had a lot of kind words from my friends on Twitter this morning for which I am grateful. I also realised yes all of the above happened and its tough sometimes and my patience is stretched a little tighter in the past few days.. but I DO have family to help. I have Tom who is my family, yes he is out at work during the week for most of the day but I have that person to rant to, to hug, to make me that cup of tea in the morning. To clock watch until he arrives home 'hurrah!Daddy's home!' hand Wilf to and run to pour myself a glass of wine. To look forward to the weekend with when our work is shared. Its hard but its not as hard as it could be and I'm grateful for that. I have a few friends who are single mothers, they are without a doubt..amazing. I cannot articulate how much respect I have for them.
A couple of posts that really hit this home to me from a couple of incredible blogger mums are this one entitled 'An Accesssory' by Jo and this one by Drea.
The pictures of Wilf with my sister Serin are so lovely. It makes me proud how much she loves him.