Tigerlilly Quinn: New love

Sunday, 2 September 2012

New love

I many ways life is a lot easier now that Wilf is older, he is more robust, less fragile. He can amuse himself and better indicate what he needs. I am a more seasoned parent I feel (most of the time) fairly confident in my decisions day to day. It also helps that he now has a definite personality, he has a sense of humour, laughs and makes me laughs on a daily basis.
Visiting a newborn reminds me of those early days, as much as I can look back on pictures of Wilf as a newborn and marvel at how tiny he was and how cute his little feet and wrinkly frown..I don't miss it. I don't know if its wrong of me to say this but I don't think I am very good with newborns. Now I am almost 9 months down the line I find myself really really enjoying this parenting thing and perhaps if I knew then what I know now I might not have cried so many of those early days/weeks/months.

Visiting my brother and sister in law I felt a little apprehensive because I worried hugely that they would be finding it as tough as I did. I feel so protective over both them and want them to know what I know now to spare them these anxieties, it will get so much better. Really I needn't have worried though as although they are experiencing some of the same set backs as I did (I am finding it increasingly rare to find anyone who did not struggle in some way with breastfeeding at the start, which makes me wonder why there is not more information out there to help??) they are coping a lot better than I did, they are already such fantastic parents.

Tom and I talk about having another child (if we are lucky enough) one day in the future, but it would be at least three years or so away from now. Fear of those early days is certainly a factor but I also want to spend a good few years just with Wilf. Parents of two or more, does it get easier or harder with your second?

For now I am happy to squish my beautiful new niece and look forward to the arrival of another little cousin for Wilf in December!

Wilf playing with Tom on a bench outside Durham cathedral 

As i post these pictures I feel a little sad again. Perhaps I am feeling homesick for family, I know this feeling from when my parents and younger siblings visit but now I'm also missing my little niece to cuddle and a an uncle and aunt to cuddle Wilf. I understand now why in the past people just stayed where they were born their whole lives, it certainly would make it easier once you grew up and had kids!

My brother has always been such a lovely big brother, never once picking on me like elder brothers of friends of mine did and always having time for me throughout my childhood (even when I was being a brat). I hope that one day Wilf will have the same relationship with a younger sibling, in many ways I think they are quite similar already, don't you think they look alike?

The second to last picture is of one of my best friends and her little girl Eva, i miss her a lot too..I am working on winning the lottery to move them all to live my me (whether they like it or not)


Lil said...

awww shes adorable, so tiny. and your friends baby is soooo pretty!

it does get easier in a way, you simply don't fuss over stuff like you do with the first, and EVERYONE does fuss lol I think I told you Rach had to be rocked to sleep every night she would wake up every two hours etc etc, with Dave I just plopped him in the basket and left him to occasionally grizzle half heartedly for ten mins instead of running back and forth like a loony and he slept like a log, he hated co-sleeping, hated the sling, loved to sit in his buggy in the window watching the world go by and i was quite happy about it lol , whereas Rach needed constant entertainment, I just think you are more confident and therefore more relaxed which kind of transmits to baby. also it made me slightly more organised if wanted to take her to a playgroup i had to get the three of us up and ready ;0 That said mine were 15 months apart and it was crazy for about 2/3 years ha ha. I went back to work two days a week so I could sit down for four hours.

Cathy said...

Whisper. I'm not wild about newborns either. I loved Cherry with all my heart of course but she's much more fun now she's approaching nine months than she was as a tiny baby.

From what I hear most parents are, as Lil says, a lot more relaxed second time round. I hear a lot of parents say 'with my first, I couldn't bear to hear them cry and I wouldn't let him/her cry for a moment' but with the second there's usually no choice and they realise it's not the end of the world if their baby cries for a few minutes.

It does make me laugh when parents say that though. Cherry was SUCH a screamer there was no way I could 'not let her cry for a minute'. Chance would have been a fine thing.

Also you know that even if things are tough, it does get easier, so you probably question yourself less and accept your baby's personality more rather than constantly blaming yourself if he or she isn't smiling, happy and sleeping perfectly all the time.

Penny'sMamma said...

I know what you mean about people who will spend their entire lives where they were born and raised. Sometimes my mind wanders to how amazing it would be to travel.. and even recently we considered moving an hour or so away... but I just couldn't do it. Maybe that makes me a bit sad! But I am comfortable here .. close to my family. I can only imagine how difficult it can be for you at times, missing your family and friends so much. Your niece is so squishy and beautiful........... I think it's totally normal to find the later stages of the first year more fun! I think because I have always worked with children I have found every stage (especially squishy newborn) different but exciting.. But its so nice when they can interact with you isn't it! .. Wilf looks so contented.. your clearly doing fab! :-) .. Me thinks next time around you will call upon all you've learned and hopefully find the early days easier! I worry i'll forget! and i worry that if i struggled as bad as i did breastfeeding wise with Penny I won't push through because I'll have Penny to look after too. I hope I'll really know what i'm doing next time, and I can avoid all the troubles I had with Penny. X

fritha strickland said...

@lil thank you she is lovely isnt she, I am a very proud aunty! Thanks for your tips too, like you said babies/children can be so different you never know what you will get! x

fritha strickland said...

@cathy they are SO much more fun now aren't they!
I remember you saying that about Cherry, funny little thing, she is clearly going to be a very vocal little lady and good for her! ;)
And very true about the self doubt, it does scare me though, looking back I realize I was quite depressed and was thinking quite dark things (not about W but about me) ahh hormones! x

fritha strickland said...

@Fern thats not sad at all! I would give anything for my family to live close (they would have to move I'm not going back haha)
I'm sorry to hear you struggled with BF with Penny, I did to with Wilf. Hardest thing I've ever done to get through so I empathize!What issues did you have with breastfeeding if you dont mind me asking? xx

Penny'sMamma said...

Woops, Somehow I missed this! - Im sorry to hear you and Wilf struggled too. It amazing how many people do! Penny had trouble with a combination of things i think! My big boobs meant positioning was hard, which made it difficult for her to learn how to feed and latch, 2 days in she began refusing the right breast, literally screaming the minute I tried to latch her, but because she was struggling to latch on the other side too, she was hungry. I just couldn't get her on myself, Every day i rang my midwife in tears begging for someone to come out, and they did but by the end of the week she said they didn't have staff to keep coming out to me.. and i was readmitted to hospital. They couldn't get her latched either. It was just awful to be honest, I thought about giving up all the time, Looking back i'm not sure how i pushed through! Oh and the sore nipples.. :-( that was tough!! Eventually i found a lovely lady in Keynsham and she got her latched no problem, and since then we breastfed no issues at all! Penny self weaned around 3 weeks ago.. Grateful to have come as far as I have, a bit sad that our journey is over <3 .... How are you and Wilf getting on now? xx

fritha strickland said...

@fern WOW well done you for persevering, that sounds so tough. I'm so glad you found that lady in Keynsham! Looking back I have no idea how I pushed through either, it was utter hell. I think the only thing I can attribute it to was sheer stubbornness! I wish there was more support out there in regards to BF, I know there are groups but when I was in that situation there was not way I would have been able to leave the house to see someone!
How does it feel to have your body back to yourself? Sometimes I imagine it being quite liberating! But I know I too will be sad when Wilf self weans, whenever that is! xx

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