Tigerlilly Quinn: some changes

Tuesday, 8 January 2013

some changes

photo taken last year - nothing to do with the post but thought I should have something to illustrate 'thinking' ;)

So new year, fresh start all that. I wanted to implement some changes on my blog. 
Blogging is such a funny world, sometimes it can seem such a small and personal space, I'm met some fantastic people though it and through this blog hop now for example I am finding such beautiful blogs and engaging with some brilliant people. I love this part of blogging.
A little while before Christmas I received a couple of lets say 'far from friendly' emails, (one much worse than the other to be fair). One of the emailers wrote something along the lines of (I cant quote directly as I've deleted) 'you can see how successful and popular my blog is'. It was those words (and the rest of the email) that really made me feel quite sad about this whole blogging business. Is it really a competition? Is that was its all about? I appreciate I am being very vague on the subject matter and what was so hurtful with the rest of their words but I don't want my blog to hold such negativity and I don't want it to become some kind of playground argument. The mean girls at school, drunk on the sense of importance of 'popularity'..frankly for grown adults its just so so odd. 
For a few days I pondered on why I write my blog, how I feel about negativity and about the competitiveness. I have written about some hugely personal subjects and as such expect some backlash and to be prepared to be thick skinned about people opinions. The fact that these emails were nothing to do with any of the subjects I thought I would get issue with is the thing that struck me I think. 
A week or so later I received an email from a lady going through a miscarriage, she wrote to me to thank me for writing about my own experience and how it had helped her. And right there was when I realised that writing this blog is worthwhile, even if it was to make that one person's day a little easier.
Still the whole idea of competition was sitting badly with me and as such I have taken a small step in removing this from my blog in taking myself down from The Top Baby Blogs. I'm not saying that the people on the list are 'competitive' or are in anyway wrong for being on there at all, I get that its a good way to increase readers and find other blogs to read but I feel like a weight has been taken off my shoulders not clicking that (kinda ugly) little button! On a different note the other thing that sort of annoyed me about that site is the whole 'never ending-ness' of it. I think it would be ok if it was just a yearly voting system with a start and end date but to refresh the counter every few months seems like just a way to get lots of hits on their site, with no real benefit for the people involved? Does anyone else feel that way?
Eh I'm not saying I've never going to enter anything ever again but for now it feels like a good move. Now some other new things
I'm working on (finding some time!) to work on my blog layout, nothing major but I want to make it a little easier to navigate. Perhaps a little cleaner, maybe not, I do love colour!
I'm really liking being part of the 52 project and am loving seeing everyone else's. 
I want to work on more collaborations this year with bloggers I admire. I am loving being part of the blog hop and its given me some great new blogs to read, I'm going to come back with my top ten new blogs I am following soon, perhaps this could be a regular thing. I know I love it when I am introduced to a good new blog :)

Well thats it for now, I guess I am just airing some of my thoughts in this quite meandering post. I hope the first week or so of the new year has been good for you all and you are not experiencing the January Blues. It is so dark! xoxo

53 comments:

Helen - sittinginthekitchensink said...

Eurgh, some people can be so...unnecessary! Blogging is most definitely not a competition - anyone can express themselves in any way they see fit. I'm glad the negativity hasn't put you off :)
And thanks for the reminder of the blog hop, I meant to sign up the other day so will do tonight! x

Gill Crawshaw said...

That's horrible, poor you! If you don't like something about a blog then just don't read it...don't send a nasty / hurtful email. Don't let it put you off! And I love the 'thinking' expression :-) x

jen said...

Oh this made me upset for you! I can't believe that people could actually email someone they don't know with such negative opinions. I had a bit of a negative comment situation last week (not on my blog) but through a friend's and it made me so cross. It was made anonymously too, so they don't even have the guts to stand up and say who they are. Why do people bother to do this, are there own lives so uninteresting and lacking that they have to attack other people and what they do? Ha! Rant over. Looking forward to whatever you do in your lovely blog this year! x

Mylittleacorns said...

How sad. Strange that someone would take the time to email you just to give you grief Fritha, yours was one of the first blogs that I came back too time and time again. You should be very proud of it. x

Carly said...

I'm surprised that someone took the time to send such a ridiculous and hateful email to you. What on earth is the point! I wouldn't worry about it for a second - people feel that they can hide behind a computer screen and they are total cowards. You are great! xxx

Josie said...

Blogging seems to be a mainly female zone (well the blogs i read anyway) and I hate to be sexist but along with that seems to come bitchiness. Like some of the stuff I've seen people say about Naomi from Rockstar Diaries is almost frightening.

It's the downside of putting yourself out there I guess, that unfortunately some people really are vile. Just remember there are loads and loads of people who love your blog and to quote Cher Lloyd (or some other teeny bopper), 'haters goner hate'.

* Can't believe I quoted Cher Lloyd, sorry bout that!*

Gina said...

so frustrating! the competition in the blogging world kinda sucks...but I guess it exists everywhere in some way or another, right? I try to pay attention to it, but it's hard...and the fact that someone sent you an unkind email is just crazy! they must have way too much time on their hands :).

Kate said...

Oh I hate it when people are competitive, it makes me want to turn on my heel, flounce off and refuse to play. It's dreadful that you've been made to feel upset by this kind of behaviour.

I can totally understand your reasons behind wanting to withdraw from The Top Baby Blogs, but just wanted you to know that you're definitely number 1 round my way, sod the stats!

Love, Kate Just Pirouette and Carry On...

Andrea @ little buckles said...

I was at a friends house today and we were talking about how there is always one to spoil it. It doesn't matter what situation. All that matters is you carry on. There's enough of us nice bloggers to rally around and be there when this happens (because it always will, sadly). You have a fab blog and we all think it! xxx

Alycia said...

why would anyone even feel the need to tell you how successful and popular their blog is? it makes me wonder if they tell people in real life how totally cool and awesome they are LOL!

Madelein - Mother of six said...

Unfortunately it seems like the "bigger" blog you have the meaner comments and e-mails get. It´s really sad! My life really improved a lot after I started blogging. You meet so many fantastic people all over the world.
Luckily I didn´t get any mean comments so far, I guess my blog is to small for that :-)

Carolyn Carter said...

Gosh! Humans are funny creatures aren't they!? Perhaps by putting you down it made them feel better... who knows? Anyway, don't feel put out by it, as long as you are being true to yourself then people will like the sincerity of your blog. x

Melissa said...

Wonderful post. Really puts some things into perspective. x

<3 Melissa
wildflwrchild.blogspot.com

Sarah Dawneé said...

I'm sorry to hear about the negativity. But, it makes my heart glad to hear about the woman that was helped by one of your posts.

It is so easy to get caught up in the numbers and popularity side of blogging. Sometimes I've been discouraged with how few followers I have even when I've seen myself, my photography, and such grow and improve since I first began. But, then I began to realize that numbers aren't what I want my blog to be about. What is meaningful is when people that know me in person have spoken to me and shared how much my blog or a certain post impacted them. What is meaningful is a follower commenting and sharing that I inspired her to begin keeping a journal this year. I've had to learn to change what I value about blogging. What I value about it is the community and opportunity to bless others through it. So what if I never have more followers.

By the way, I participated in that blog hop and it was wonderful! It is such a fun way to share your own blog while also going and finding other wonderful blogs to follow and read.

Kate said...

This hit home for me... I used to do "top baby blogs" but decided against it, all of it, for nearly the same reasons. I don't agree or like that side of blogging and it's such a shame that for some it really comes down to popularity and meanheartedness. Makes me that much more appreciative when I find genuine, kind writers such as yourself. Thank you for sharing your story. Hoping to get in on the next blog hop! Fun fun xo

Yelle said...

I'm glad you posted about this because I feel that there are other bloggers out there that have gotten some form of "hate mail" and never stand up to it because it makes one feel quite awful. I once saw a blogger post a similar post to this about getting hate mail, and I just had to send her a personal email to let her know that as little as I knew her from blogging, I still felt that she deserved a million fan letters for every hate mail she got, so I sent her one to hopefully make her feel better. I've found so many great blogs and bloggers from Chantilly's blog hop, including you! So keep your chin up - you too deserve a million love letters for every hate mail.

ChatterBlossom said...

This was an interesting first read as this is my first time visiting your blog. I'm so sorry that you were discouraged recently by some unkind emails. I'm glad to have "met" you though and I look forward to reading more!
I found you through the hop and am your newest follower,
-Jamie
http://chatterblossom.blogspot.com/

Erica Castillo said...

Definitely understand what you are talking about. When I started blogging I thought "who gives a shit how many followers you have." I don't remember when it became important to me, but I think TBB had a lot to do with it. Thinking about it makes me feel weird about blogging. Anyway, I love you words & style... New follower from the hop.

Meggs said...

I really appreciate you being so about your blogging experience, particularly as someone who is looking forward to expanding my own blogging experience. Sometimes I'm like, "Why bother?", but it's because it brings me pleasure, and I won't deny myself that. I'm just making an effort not to get swept up in all the comparison, as it's the exact same reason I quit Facebook for. :)

Cheers!

M.

Meggs said...

Being so open, that is...

Lil said...

argh!! you know what I know you didnt want to spread the negativity and thus I dont really know what you are supposed to have done to merit such an email " you can see how popular I am ' lol how crass! but I cant help feeling so pissed off for you, you are such an honest, warm and fair writer ( and person I think I can say after about almost two years of following you)

I got to be honest - a large amount of the 'mummy' blogs are self- absorbed, judgy witterings which bore the hell out of me ( or make me laugh my head off being the old timer that I am) and Top Baby blog is almost a little too close to "top baby' for me ;) BUT I will always come back to yours even though it wasn't really a 'mum' blog as such when I began to follow, being able to share the last year especially has been lovely so DONT CHANGE cos I love you as you are - and so do plenty of others.

there - lecture over lol sorry, just feel very protective for some reason today.

love to you all xxxxxx

Nicola Rowlands said...

I'll always remember the link that Jo goddard sent me http://joannagoddard.blogspot.co.uk/2010/08/mantra.html when I mentioned a couple salty comments some people had left on her post about my pocket manfriends. Also check out Tina Fey telling some people to suck it: http://joannagoddard.blogspot.co.uk/2009/01/tina-fey-rules.html
x o x haters gonna hate my friend - I think what you do is awesome.

Lisa said...

I've never understood why people say nasty comments. Your blog is wonderful. P.S LOVE your hair in this pic!

fritha strickland said...

wow! completely bowled over by your responses! Going to sit down with a cup of tea and go through them now xxxx

fritha strickland said...

@helen thanks so much, it hasn't and if it had all of your beautiful responses would have changed my mind! I love your blog and thanks for joining the hop! xx

fritha strickland said...

@jen oh Jen I saw on FB you had experienced some negative comment about your (ironically) positive project! Anon comments are the worst,scaredy cats!thanks so much for taking time out to write this lovely comment, I'm very glad we have become blogging friends :) xx

fritha strickland said...

@lucia you are such a lovely lady! I'm sorry we never got to meet up when I was back in Aber, lets try this year. I just read your blog post, so much love xxx

fritha strickland said...

@carly thanks so much! I love your illustrations btw! x

fritha strickland said...

@josie haha!! loved your comment! Yes I know the big bloggers do get some really crazies! I guess it comes with the territory of putting yourself out there. I've even heard that her life is a big performance piece, can you imagine the sort of mentals that come up with conspiracy theories about someones life?? you are also right about the bitchiness amongst women sometimes, I used to work in a all female workplace, started off great but somedays too many hormones flying around the place was too much! xx

fritha strickland said...

@gina thank you, your right it does suck and yes I guess you find this kind of thing everywhere. Thanks so much for your support xx

fritha strickland said...

@kate haha aww Kate! what a sweet thing to say! x

fritha strickland said...

@andrea thanks so much lovely, I really appreciate you saying that coming from a blogger I really admire! I'm so glad we have become blogging pals, a part of blogging i love! xx

fritha strickland said...

@alycia ha! I know right, like people on twitter with tons of followers, can you imagine if they told someone in real life 'i have 100 friends dont you know!' (although they probably wouldn't have many friends if they had such an inflated sense of themselves) thanks hun, your comment made me laugh xx

fritha strickland said...

@madelein aww well I've been blogging for three years now and I'm sure for at least one of those my only reader was Tom ;) thanks so much for your lovely comment xx

fritha strickland said...

@carolyn very true words lady! love your photography xx

fritha strickland said...

@sarah that is exactly how I feel about it. I've been blogging now for about 3 years and for over two years never really had any comments or readers ha! But then when someone takes the time out to actually write a comment it means so much, like this! Thank you xx

Elle Falconer said...

As a new blogger, this is a great learning lesson for me, so thank you for sharing your experiences. I'm realizing now that when a blog that I admire so much has commented to me, I get so excited and don't realize how what I say might come off; I just didn't even consider that that would be seen as negative, I was just excited, haha. So thank you for that lesson in blogging. I agree with Helen @sittinginthekitchensink, it's unnecessary to be competitive. It kind of puts me off when bloggers ASK for followers to reach a certain number on like Twitter (I've seen this a few times in the past little while), why count? Just enjoy it and let it grow naturally.

Jess from Vintage Pie said...

Oh. What a terrible thing to have been put on you! And such rubbish! You have been the loveliest visitor to my fairly new blog and I have not been able to detect even a whiff of anything other than friendliness and kindness from you. Fiddlesticks! I look forward to seeing all the happs of 2013 x

My Froley said...

I received my first 'less than nice' email over Christmas too. It was quite a shock. I just don't see the point why someone would actually take time from their day to sit down a write a negative message to someone. These people must have really unhappy lives if they enjoy putting their energy into such negative things.

I agree with what you're saying about blogging being a competition for many. I remember a blog I visit regularly pointing her readers many times in her friends direction, who's goal was to reach 1,000 followers in one month. The whole thing really left me with a bad taste in my mouth for blogging. I was also thinking, is this really what it's all about?

I know what you mean about topbabyblogs, but personally it's one of my highest referrers so if it means new people can find my blog then I'm happy to stay :-) Try not to let one (or two) nasty emails affect the way you do your blog. If you do that the negative energy they put into their email will be doing it's job.

We love it over here :-)
http://myfroley.blogspot.com

unfounddoor said...

ugh. I wish the internet weren't such an easy (and anonymous) outlet for negativity.

fritha strickland said...

@kate thanks for saying that, glad you understand! I'm certainly not condemning anyone on that site as I've found a good few reads through there but it was a good move to leave! xx

fritha strickland said...

@yelle aww what a sweet thing to say, that poor girl. my email certainly wasn't that bad but I know lots of bloggers get hate mail. A friend of mine says she gets emails telling her to loose weight, so sad that there are people out there like that. I love your blog, so glad you joined the hop! xx

fritha strickland said...

@nicola firstly, not surprised Jo liked your pocket man friends as THEY RULE!! those links are hilarious! xxx

fritha strickland said...

@jamie thank you, welcome to the hop :) x

fritha strickland said...

@Ercia, thanks for that, just found your blog and love it! now to sit down and read through some old posts, this is why I love blogging! xx

fritha strickland said...

@meggs I've certainly felt the same way, for the first couple of years of blogging I'm sure it was just my family reading and I often though 'why bother' but its for my own enjoyment. I love that can now read back and see what I was up to a couple of years ago or how I felt! xx

fritha strickland said...

@lil aww Lil! so sweet of you to feel protective over me, bless you! I've loved having you as a reader and the friendship that has grown through comments on here.:) xxx

fritha strickland said...

@Lisa thank you, I know I miss my old hair, wish I never dyed it! x

fritha strickland said...

@Elle oh I'm sure you dont come across negatively :) and you are right, just enjoy it! x

fritha strickland said...

@jess your comment may well be my favourite just for using the word 'fiddlesticks' ;) love becoming your blogging friend x

fritha strickland said...

@Alex I'm so sorry you had a nasty email too :( Hope it didnt upset you too much. I totally get what you mean about TBB it sent quite a bit of traffic my way too (and I guess how we started talking!) but feels like a good move for me :) xx

fritha strickland said...

thanks lovely, I'm so enjoying your blog and glad we are blogging friends :) x

Alicebijou said...

Thats really awful. I have to say that this has been a point of issue for me getting started with blogging...it does sometimes feel like some sort of contest, which as you say is crazy for a bunch of adults!
But it does happen.

I've only just found your blog through the Bloghop, and I am really looking forward to reading more posts.

x

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