Tigerlilly Quinn: Me and You

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Me and You


We took these pictures a few weeks ago on an outing to the zoo gardens. There is a secluded little walled spot behind some trees with a stoney area and some fountains. A friend first pointed it out to me earlier last year and since it's been my favourite place to take Wilf. That boy loves stones and will play happily for well over an hour dropping the stones in the fountains, jumping in and out of the spray and leaving me in peace to drink my take away coffee. Tom often doesn't get to join us as we go during the week when it is quiet but we decided to take a trip the other day as a family and whilst W was happy amusing himself with the water we shot these silly selfies.


Tom and I got together when I was 22 (a week before my 23rd birthday) which always surprises me, I feel like I was 22 a million years ago but that Tom and I have only been together a few years (I'm 28). Which I can only take as a good thing I suppose! It's funny being the age I am now as it's the age we had initially decided would be a good point to start a family. Wilf of course came along a bit earlier, he was planned so I guess I just hadn't banked on how powerful feeling being broody can be! ;)


I have never been the girl to dream about getting married. Everytime I went to a wedding (as much as I enjoyed myself) I always felt panicky watching the bride walk down the aisle and I always thought 'I'm so glad I'm not doing that!' and it reiterated my idea that it wasn't for me. My parents have never gotten married, in fact they are both quite against for concept of it (more on that another day). I've always believed quite adamantly that the act of deciding to raise a child with someone is way more of a commitment than signing a piece of paper. That being said Tom and I discussed marriage quite soon into our relationship (I mean he did say he wanted to marry me after meeting me for just a few hours ;)).

We always said that if we did it would be to have a celebration with good friends, as a celebration of 'togetherness' I guess. I'm undecided on many parts of the traditional marriage, I'm in no way religious and it does bother me a little that choosing to get married is kind of being a hypocrite on that regard, despite the fact we're having a non religious service (would love to hear your thoughts on this btw).

There are bits we had to work out, would I change my name? Nope, in fact Tom thought it might be an idea to add my surname as a middle name to his. I didn't think too much about the whole surname thing when we had Wilf so he has Tom's and not mine, I felt a little sad about this a little while ago so we've considered adding mine is as a middle name for him or even choosing mine as a surname for consequent children. I like that marriage can be done on our terms, how we define our relationship and our beliefs.

Do I think getting married will make us more committed? Nope, choosing to have a child together did that and knowing that we loved each other cemented the 'for ever and ever' part a long time ago. Is it a nice celebration of the love we have for each other and as a family? Yep, I think so and I can't wait to share the rest of my life with this guy xx


p.s don't forget to visit, Lucy, Becky and Kirsty's blogs to see their 'Me and You's' for the month!
p.p.s you can read our engagement story here and here if you like

15 comments:

Mummy Glitzer said...

Having been wracked with insecurity much of my life (and a fear of being abandoned) I loved getting married and it felt important to me, although I can't quite pinpoint how. That said, having a child together did then somehow make our bond feel stronger.

I love these photos! x

Laura Hunter said...

Interesting post Fritha, you've got me thinking early on a Sunday morning! I've been married 5 years and I still find some parts of it funny. I feel weird about is being referred to as "Jon's wife" or calling Jon my husband, it probably sounds very unromantic but I just don't like those labels.
Its hard to explain but theres something very formulaic and impersonal about those words to me.
Its lovely that people like being called "wife" and I kinda feel like I'm missing out but it just doesn't feel like me. We got married because we wanted to, I kept my name because I wanted to (Jon was thinking about taking on my name too) and I don't call him my husband, not because I don't love him or want to be with him forever but because I don't want to. Maybe I'll figure it out in the next 5 years!

Katherine said...

I'm a lifelong atheist and it never really occurred to me that it didn't fit with getting married, maybe because everyone else in my family is married (and generally not religious), I think we all see it as you do, a celebration of togetherness. Making a public commitment felt like a big deal to us as both our parents are divorced (conversely I suppose that could be a good reason for not doing it!!). I think having a child together is a bigger commitment though. We had a Humanist wedding, these are legal in Scotland (and we consider ourselves Humanists anyway) and we wrote our own ceremony and vows with the celebrant, felt a bit strange at first but in the end worked really well. I do recall reading someone on a wedding forum stating that they thought there was no point in atheists getting married, I don't know, maybe she just saw it as a purely religious thing where as I see it as a commitment thing that for some people happens to be religious. I did take my husband's name but I have my reasons, connected with my parents divorce.

As for going up the aisle being scary, you don't have to do it if you don't want to! I admit there is something romantic about it but we decided that we would arrive together and walk up the aisle together as we are both stress heads and wanted to support each other (it also nicely side-stepped some family politics!). If anyone thought it was odd they didn't say so to our faces and we felt much calmer and were there to greet our guests with Tunnocks teacakes.


Oh, if you haven't come across the Offbeat Bride website, it's brilliant.

Donna Wishart said...

Such gorgeous photos! I cannot wait to hear more about your wedding prep. You look so happy together x

Jess Lewis said...

Just typed massive comment - it got eaten. ( you will be very used to my technical fails by now ha ) here is a summary

Congrats !!! I'm so happy for you :) got so carried away with the two part story forgot to comment.

Marriage thoughts....

Never thought I'd marry again then met Al and was like boof!!! Yes!!! Married six months later. We had civil ceremony and big party in house which was lovely - I took his name as I still had my exes name - but am sad me and the kids have different names now ( especially as kids dad has nothing to do with them ) as my daughter is over 18 she's thinking of changing hers anyway but R. Cumberbatch is the favourite'!! humph. Having four kids with different surnames proved a giant pain in the butt going on holidays and getting them insurance etc.

Bizarrely enough I always think of you as Quinn anyway ;)

Anyway I think it's lovely and who wouldn't marry a guy that wrote notes like that :)

kathrynsharman said...

Greig and I were similar as you know, except Charlie was a happy accident, and we got married when he was 18 months. In my opinion you will never make more of a commitment to someone than raising a child together and by the time we did get around to saying 'I do' we knew that our relationship had already been tested so much and more importantly survived. Getting married is a great way to celebrate that love in front of all your family and friends xx

You Baby Me Mummy said...

Cute pictures! For me marriage doesn't change much, but I wanted to be his wife. I also wanted all of us (Baby and us) to have the same name. So it is not the most important thing, but we wanted it anyway xx

Jess@AlongCameCherry said...

Ah I love these photos, you look gorgeous in them :) I totally agree about kids being a bigger commitment than marriage and it's one of the things that makes not being married easier to handle and I also wouldn't have a religious one in any way and too hate the idea of all eyes being on me so we would totally skip things like the first dance etc. I just love the idea of being a Mrs and just love the idea of being married, I'm pretty sure Matt knows he has to do it soon, it's all her hears about and all his friends have started getting married which is a good sign! I'm so excited for you! You need a wedding hashtag! xx

LauraCYMFT said...

These are great selfies. You look really happy! Congratulations on your engagement. I got married when I was 21 (I'm 28 now too!) and it was a fantastic day. We're not religious either but we definitely wanted to get married. I wanted to be a wife. It's a great way to celebrate your love for each other and an excuse to have a big party with your friends and family. You are right though, raising a child together is an even bigger commitment than getting married.

Claire said...

Love these! I need to start doing this linky again! Have been good and started always getting shots of us together now (so Dave is almost getting used to it! ;-)). I definitely feel as committed to Dave as if we were married. We would have non religious ceremony too definitely- but still with songs and poems! Our kids have both our names. For legal reasons Danny had to have mine while he was in hospital and as he was in ages my half stuck but we added Dave's when we registered. I love that they are only people with their surname. :-) x

Louise George said...

Beautiful photos and congratulations to you both on your engagement.

Lauren said...

You guys are too adorable! I was similar...thought I'd never get married (but more because my parents are divorced, my mom several times over). When I met my husband, I knew probably 24hrs later that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. For us, marriage was the only way since we have different citizenships but I wonder sometimes what we would have done if we were from the same country. I think your perspective is great and should be how everyone approaches marriage (and kids too, especially kids!) I imagine all of your friends and family will love the opportunity to share their joy for you. So really, you're doing them a huge favour by throwing a party (that will no doubt be incredibly gorgeous) and sharing love all around. It was kind of overwhelming when I realised that everyone I loved was in one room during our wedding.

Camille Griffiths said...

Aww, congrats! For my husband and I, there was something very special and amazing about getting married, but it was just icing on the cake. The really important part is just being committed to eachother, for sure!

fritha strickland said...

Thanks Lauren for your lovely comment! I'm so glad reading these that I don't come across as disinterested, I guess I'm just trying to find my place in it all. I am really looking forward to having a big celebration with our friends and family (although my parents won't be coming as they'd feel really awkward which is a shame but I understand) x

fritha strickland said...

that's so lovely! The surname thing was something I didn't think much on when we were naming Wilf but I wish I had done more I think x

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