Tigerlilly Quinn: me and you

Monday, 20 October 2014

me and you

I don't think it's going to be a huge surprise that my 'Me and You' pictures this month are going to be from our wedding.

I had been focussing a lot on the meaning of marriage, what it meant to me & to us as a couple, how I fitted in to the traditional aspects and which parts I felt comfortable with.

I was never ever the girl that wanted to get married, I never dreamt about it as a child, I never planned my dress, I never drew my signature out with the surname of my crush at the time, it just wasn't something I ever thought I would do. When Tom proposed I of course said yes, it was a wonderful romantic gesture and I knew that if I was ever going to marry anyone it would be him so why not?

Click below to read on




When people told me how marriage made you feel different and changed a relationship I respected their feelings but couldn't see how it possibly could. I've always felt 100% secure that Tom and I would spent the rest of our lives together, I don't really know what that says about me but I've never ever worried about our commitment to each other.

I'm also the sort of person who likes to know fully where she stands on matters, there are things in life I feel passionate about, animal welfare, the environment, feminism. Getting engaged made me question the feminist aspects of the whole shebang, the giving you away from one man to another, the changing of names, the obeying..

At times I felt so confused about if this was something that was OK for me to be doing or if I was letting down sisterhood in some kind of weird way.


Then I would chat to Tom and I would realise what a lovely celebration it would be, how we were telling our friends and family that we were happy and in love. Wilf would tell me every morning on the weeks running up how excited he was about the wedding, how me and him were getting married and how daddy was then going to marry both of us too. He would list all the people he loved that would be there and ask me everyday if it was going to be the wedding soon, he was the most excited of us all I think! It was going to be a day for us as a family and the love Tom and I have for each other and our life and our son.


My friends would get in touch and ask me how things were going, if I needed any help, if they could do or make or lend a hand. They would take me out for a drink when my head was swimming with the organisation of it all, they'd drop round and tell me to look after myself and how excited they were for the big day. Some of my closest friends would travel through the night (literally leave at 11pm and arrive at 4am!) to make it. My family would travel for two days (some people live in the most inconvenient places) or go way out of their way to get there. My friends and neighbours and family all the good people we know and love would take time out to create handmade elements, curl hair, pass drinks, watch children, sew bunting, set up late at night, play music, take photos (and film!). And I realised truly how much we are loved and how our friends want to celebrate in our togetherness.

I didn't expect to feel so emotional on that day, as we held hands and said our vows as we chatted with friends and caught each others eye. As Tom's speech made me cry and I remembered what a colleague said in the office I got that first email from him 'you guys are literally made for each other' (the statement came with an eye roll) and how true that was going to be.


I was never going to take Tom's surname, it didn't seem like the feminist thing to do, but on that morning I just decided I would. Because feminism is about being free to choose and so I've chosen a new name and I don't even know why I was so hung up on what was the 'right' thing to do in the first place. Because our wedding day was one of the best days of our lives (I'm going to say it's joint first with Wilf's birth but I'm not sure we really need to take a score). Although it hasn't suddenly made us more committed or more of a family or any of that kinda thing it was however a very very happy day full of all the people we love sharing a day where we celebrated our love for each other. And now we can share a surname too...

p.s that makes me a Quinn now, like my blog..totally did it for the branding ;)

You can read about our engagement here and how we got together here. Our wedding video here and a teaser of some of our wedding pictures here.

Photography by Side Street Style

Don't forget to check out Lucy, Kirsty and Becky's posts this month too. I'll be sure to check out your's if you link below! x




20 comments:

Lucy said...

Ahhhh, this is so lovely Fritha, and so honest. I had some really strange issues around changing my surname when we got married, not for particularly feminist reasons although I didn't like the idea of somehow being 'owned' by taking his name. It was more that I felt like my original surname was part of my identity some how, part of my story, and it made me part of the gang I had with my mum and dad and bro. We went around in circles a lot about what I felt comfortable with; Rich didn't to be double barrelled, but I wanted to know that one day when we had children we would all share a name. So I kept my maiden name as an additional middle name; that part of my story is still there in my name, but we also get to all be Roberts'. It works for us, and while I still feel very weird about being called Mrs Roberts, I'm happy that we made that choice.
I'm so glad you had such a lovely day, you look so incredibly happy in all the photos; all three of you do. I remember saying after our wedding that it was the very best party I had ever been at, because it was all the people we loved, all there to celebrate our love. And it definitely shares 'best day ever' with my two kids' births as well; very different kinds of amazing days, but all beautiful. x

Globalmouse said...

I love this! I'm so pleased it was such a wonderful day - it was always going to be!! I didn't know you'd taken Tom's surname and I totally agree, it's your freedom to choose. And I love your dress - gorgeous!

Fiona said...

Ah, that's so lovely that Wilf wanted to marry you both. So so sweet. Your wedding looked beautiful, and I'm so glad you had a perfect day. It is lovely how weddings make you realise how many wonderful people you have in your life, and they give the perfect excuse to get all of your loved ones under one roof. Enjoy your new name :) xx

Eleanor Willock said...

It's funny what love does, isn't it? I am so pleased you enjoyed your wedding and that marriage is starting off on the right foot, for you, everything in partnership. Love and luck, EW x

Eve Thomas said...

This is such a lovely blog. It's made me stop and think about my own wedding, and how since then I have changed and matured in such a way that, if I were to marry again (now I am no longer married) I would do it completely differently, with completely different priorities. I certainly got so swept up in the whole 'wedding' I forgot about the 'marriage' and what it (ought to have) meant. You and Tom truly are 'made for each other' and it shows in your words written right here. Lovely. I couldn't be happier for you Fritha x

Jess@AlongCameCherry said...

Ah this made me all emotional, it was so lovely to the share your special day with you. Tom's speech was so lovely! I'm definitely going to double-barrel my name if we get married, I wouldn't want to lose mine AND Matt's is most unfortunate!! xx

kathrynsharman said...

I think you must have been made for each other and for someone who never dreamed about their wedding dress, you looked absolutely beautiful xx

Cariemay said...

Oh these are beautiful pictures of a beautiful day! I remember before my wedding feeling strange about the idea of changing my name, it just seemed like I would never get used to a new name and a new identity. But then we were married and it felt like second nature and I couldn't remember what had seemed strange about it!

@flickabella1 said...

Wow I have cushion love!

bee said...

Beautifully put. I took my husbands name too though I never thought I would. Decided to as we drove away from Gretna Green, so glad I did as it's our family name and feel right for us. The giving away, obeying, ownership are clutter that we humans have brought into marriage, rather than the true partnership it can be. Well done on having the wedding and marriage you both want. Ps. Your son is super cute.

Alex said...

I am also a cushion addict. I still have cushion covers I brought home from Mexico which I haven't filled :/ Naughty.

The Owl and the Accordion said...

The surname thing is so tricky - it's been over four years and I still haven't got round to changing mine! I love the pictures, your dress is absolutely stunning x

abby - little city adventures said...

Such pretty photos! You look so classy!
Weddings really are just wonderful celebrations. That's really what it's about. It's amazing to see your friends jump out of the woodwork to help you on your wedding day. Without all of our friends we totally wouldn't have been able to pull off our day they way we pictured it. Weddings are just so fun!

laura redburn said...

this is so so lovely :) i can identify with you on so much too. i've been with my boyfriend for nearly 7 years now, absolutely plan to spend the rest of my life with him, but neither of us have any interest in getting married. one of my 'things' though, *if* we ever somehow did decide to wed is that i am keeping my surname ..but if we have children (tbh much less likely than getting married) i would be happy for him/her to have his surname, or choose when it gets older. ahh, tricky business eh!


also ..obviously you look amazing and i LOVE your dress! :)

Lia Billimore said...

This is lovely Fritha. I really couldn't have given less thought into weddings or marriage as a child / teenager / young woman & I wasn't overly keen at the idea of marriage even when i'd been with C for years. C really wanted to be married before we started a family, so I thought 'why not?' & at the end of the day, I viewed our wedding as a celebratiion of our love! I did change my name, which I regret now actually because I'm worried my maiden name won't be carried on (long story) but that's easily changed i guess!

Polly Davies said...

beautiful post! I never dreamt of getting married either when I was little, but it just felt right when G and I decided to do it. these are gorgeous photos and I am totally in love with your dress x

Laura Rocksteady said...

Oh such a perfect and beautiful Me and You post - your wedding was seriously the most heartfelt, simple and beautiful wedding I have been too and you really are meant for each other - I loved the story behind that email by the way, it made me smile the whole way home - you just need a submarine :)


Laura x

Adele Jarrett-Kerr said...

I was surprised when the officiant announced Mr and Mrs Quinn, to be honest! I took Laurence's name too and I definitely consider myself a feminist. This is such an interesting post and it makes me feel even more honoured to have been present. I'm not sure marriage was ever something I dreamed about but we knew very quickly that it's what we wanted. Mind you, the idea of marriage is framed a lot by faith for us, perhaps this is why I've found this post so fascinating - because your perspective is different. Congratulations again, Mrs Quinn. Had to laugh at the comment about branding!

Katie Albury said...

Such a beautiful post...congratulations again, your photographs are stunning. I knew I would take my husbands name and I was really excited for the change. But it's still relatively new and I sometimes feel a little sad for some reason not having the same name as my family anymore...my friends still call me Birch, will I hope will never change. Really pleased you brought up the idea of being as feminist as the right to choose, I think that's such an important point...it's not going against feminism by conforming to such traditions. We are lucky to live in a country where we have the freedom of choice which is a huge aspect of feminism that can sometime be overlooked. xx

Cathy Bussey said...

Lovely post Fritha and a very belated congratulations on your beautiful wedding. So happy for you! Congrats on the name change. I understand why it's a 'thing' for many, and I understand why some don't change their names. Personally I changed mine because I feel my identity is about far more than a name, and I have never bought the argument that it's more feminist to keep one's maiden name as in most cases that is, after all, one's father's name! So to me it was just swapping my father's name, which I could not choose, for one that I could.

Wishing you, Tom and Wilf all the happiness in the world xxx

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