Tom and I don't really tend to buy each other anything for Valentines anymore. I think we both know we don't actually *need* anything and so things like cups of tea or a nice hot bath are much more appreciated.
This Valentines weekend we took ourselves out for breakfast for a break from the norm ;) (I'm totally joking this is what we always do on a Saturday) but we did try somewhere new at least. We went for veggie breakfasts and Wilf the scrambled egg on toast. I had a bit of a cold so couldn't really taste mine but Tom assures me it was good and Wilf gobbled up the whole lot before declaring the same.
I've been feeling a little run down and burnt out lately. It's a funny one as I'm always one to try to brush over negative feelings, I suffered quite a lot in my youth (my youth? sounds like I'm about 100!) with depression and so I try to be as positive as I can each day. I don't believe things like depression can be simply helped with a positive attitude, but I do think it helps me to start the day thinking about the good in my life and not try and dwell to much on what might be worrying me or getting me down.
I know that my life is so blessed and I am lucky to be leading it and so I do struggle with letting myself feel anything other than grateful. Actually though sometimes it's not always helpful to not let yourself feel sad. I guess there are always ups and downs in life and experiencing the lows is sometimes just as important as the highs. I spent friday having a good 'ol cry and really letting it all out sobs and all. It made me realise how much I have had bottled up actually.
Tom is a fixer. Tom wants to fix any problem there might be and I know that it frustrates him when there isn't really a solution. I think it's because for Tom the most important thing in his life is family, he wants to be able to always protect us and make sure we are OK.
I've been thinking a lot about family lately, about my own family (the one I grew up with) and about my family now, the one Tom and I have created together. One family I was born into and the other I chose. It's a comfort to me to know that in Tom I have someone that I know without a doubt will always put myself and Wilf above all others. Falling in love and becoming a mum was something I dreamed about since my first ever memories. It's something I've probably always craved because I wanted to have the sense of belonging always.
The other night I was putting Wilf to bed and he asked me to cuddle him as usual. Tom does the bedtime routine usually and so after a quick kiss and a cuddle I'm left with a bit of peace & quiet and the boys do their thing, teeth, books, cuddle, sleep. This evening Tom was out so I got into his bed and snuggled down with him, he wrapped his little arms around my neck and breathed into my ear sleepily 'I love you more than the world'.
I decided that night to sleep with him the whole night, squished into his little bed with tears rolling down my cheeks with the enormity of it and overwhelmed with my emotions. Every time he woke or rolled over he would kiss me and whisper that he loved me again and I thought how I wanted to remember moments like this forever. When I'm old and Wilf is grown up and I think back on just how lucky I am to have lived my life.
I didn't really start this post thinking it would go this way actually but it's nice to be able to just type with no real point. Just thoughts tumbling out my brain, feelings I'm trying to organise. I think I used to have a diary for this sort of thing but hey, why not share it all on the internet? ;)
This blog as always is just my way of remembering these days with my family. A way in which I'm trying to freeze time, to record memories of our life together.
I hope whatever you got up to this weekend it involved lots of tea and the chance for a hot bath too xx
p.s in case you were wondering about the clothes:
Coat / shoes / skirt / top
Coat / Jumper / Jeans / Trainers
(the balloon was a surprise from Anthropologie, thanks guys!)