This time last year, a flurry of posts on my Facebook page, a buzz of excitement from friends as their children started school for the first time. The obligatory first day picture, the nerves, the emotional blog posts and exclamations of 'how is this happening already'. I took it all in and breathed a sigh of relief that wasn't us, we had another year, we don't have to deal with this yet.
As the months passed, Mabli was born, we settled into being a family of four. The idea of school started creeping into our day to day conversations. I felt time ticking by. The start of summer I felt a huge pressure to make it 'the best one yet' I felt like I only had a certain amount of time left with my boy, before I lost him to school...which is ridiculously really, he was only going to be doing a few hours a day in a building over the road, not being sent to boarding school in Switzerland or something!!
And then the day before the start of school. I found myself grabbing Wilf whenever I could for an extra cuddle. Offering to read him more books than usual, tearing up as I looked at his still baby shaped face. Marvelling at his grin, his giggles as he played tricks on Tom or splashed his sister in the bath. How did I create this child?? How is he mine? How can I let him go?
I was so nervous last night my dreams were so anxious, I couldn't eat my breakfast. Today is the day, the BIG day. I felt more anxious than I did the say I got married. Let's cancel it, stay home, get back into our pjs and watch a movie. Let's not do this yet, it's too soon, I can't let you go. You're my baby, weren't you just born? Weren't you just taking your first steps?
The thing is, he is ready. I need to be ready. This is a new adventure for all of us. The first part in letting him go and be his own person. I don't own him, I'm sitting here in a cafe trying not to cry and reminding myself it's my honour to raise him, but he is not mine.
I couldn't write this yesterday, I needed to not think about it, I needed to prepare myself for today. Now today is done, his first day. He loved it, he ran off playing, he loves his teacher, he loves his new clothes, he loves his peg where he hung his coat up by himself. His two best friends from birth, almost like siblings are in the separate class and they played together at break, all coming home covered in mud from the mud kitchen. He can't wait to back tomorrow.
I'm ready, he's ready, a new adventure and one I'm excited to watch him be on. I'm so proud of you my Wilf, the boy that made me a mum, that made me become the best version of myself.
P.S the only thing is, how am I meant to get us all ready and dressed and out the house so early five days a week?! Any tips there?
If you have a kiddo starting school this week then lots of love to you too! xx