What Mama Wore - This is hard sometimes

I fell in love with this bright statement pencil skirt at Octer. All items originally Boden but purchased through the Octer site who helped me out with this outfit. You can find the top here and shoes (which would look great with jeans too! here). 

Don't be fooled by this scene of calmness, last week was one of those days were the baby missed both naps, stabbed me in the eye with a spoon and knocked hot coffee down my top. Wouldn't stop crying unless I carried her for about ten billion miles around the park in a sling. In tern I inhaled a double decker trio whilst hiding on the stairs and counted down the hours until it was acceptable to drink, some days you win some days you can't wait until gin o clock ;) 

Last year I read a poem/blog post that resonated with me SO MUCH. It's here to read if you fancy it (and I recommend) but I thought I'd share just a few lines below:

or it’s like
you know those dried on bits
from the dishwasher
or those smeary bits on the windows that won’t
or partially eaten biscuits?
well it’s just that
sometimes when I’m
or putting their clothes away
and sometimes I
about that and having to make the dinner
I dunno.
I can feel everything
I screamed
the dried on bits, the smeary bits
the ninky nonk, the tombilboos trousers,
listlessness, absentmindedness,
Mr Tumble’s spotty bag,
a crushing kind of guilt.

It's hard and it's wonderful and its tiring and exhilarating and so so joyful and lonely and fulfilling, at times hilarious and also both the hardest and easiest thing I've ever done. It gives me purpose I never felt before and I sense of who I am and want to me but sometimes it bores me too. Sometimes I hate 'stay and play', or feel bad I've never taken Mabli to a baby class. Sometimes I watch my kids playing or have a conversation with Wilf about the world that makes me want to shout from the rooftops how amazing they are and this journey is, how proud I am and how they blow me away with their goodness and their wonder at the world.

Sometimes the idea that we as parents are in charge of helping these beautiful innocent spirits grow is overwhelming and the guilt when I feel like I'm not doing it well is so crushing. I wonder if we're doing this right, I know that we are not perfect at it (who is?).

I think whether you have family close and or not, whether you pay for childcare just to have a minute to yourself, whether you send your kids to school or whether you teach them at home. Whether you have one child or five, its all hard and it's all wonderful.

It's all about sharing I think, whilst my idea of a play date is more having a cheeky glass of wine with a mum friend one afternoon rather than a soft play centre its all about having that support. I started this blog before children, but as soon as I became a mum I relied on it, for support, for shared experiences. To record the good (and there is so much good) and the bad too.

I've been accused before of being too positive (I even wrote a post here about why I try and be positive). It's true, I like to focus on it the most, but it's also OK to get to the middle of the day and say you can't wait for it to be over ;)

Images by Lauren Jayne Hall 

I also featured the poem in this blog

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