8.4.18

Should we stay or should we go?


I've lived in Bristol for almost ten years now (9 and a half to be exact) although I can also lay claim to have been born here, I was only a baby when we moved away. It's always been a place that has immediately felt like home, above no other. I have grown up in Bristol, into the person I am now and the life I now lead. My children were born here, in this very house I type in and in the last few years a slight lilt has effected my voice and the pronunciation of my 'R's' (or as someone I met in London said the other day 'I'm sorry I can't tell what you are saying! It's your accent!' haha

I've made friends here, have a support network. I still discover new places to visit or things to do on a weekly basis and when it's sunny and you're watching the harbour with a pint of cider (ok prosecco but I'm setting the scene) legs dangling over the steps by the cottage I think there is no where in the world I'd rather be.

Except maybe I would?


Last year we came to a decision to sell our house. We'd grown out of the area and house we live in (both literally and metaphorically) and needed a new start. We put it on the market for a few weeks whilst viewing other places, sometimes making offers (and realising that 'offers in excess of' meant minimum excess of about 40k). Work was so busy and exciting for me at that time but with thinking of moving and not having any childcare it was also completely draining and stressful and if I'm honest looking back I think I was probably on the verge of a breakdown.

We came to a point where we had the option of selling our home and moving or Tom giving up his job to work with me. We couldn't do both because we would have needed Tom to stay in his job for the mortgage or leave and focus on growing our business but having to stay in our house.

Although we had an offer on our house at this point we chose the later. We haven't regretted that decision because it's given us some amazing opportunities. For Tom to be at home with kids, to co-parent with me fully and for us to take on some really exciting jobs too. We couldn't have everything we wanted and moving house was something that had to give at this time in our life.

Somewhere along the line whilst playing the Rightmove game I extended my search area massively and came across Cardiff. I mentioned jokingly to Tom about moving there and he didn't laugh at the idea. To get super boring and middle aged the house prices in comparison to Bristol (which is crazy atm) are SO much better. We could afford to move to a much larger house in a much nicer area compared to our options here which are quite limited.

As well as the obvious benefits, Cardiff also has a definite pull for me, being that I spent a large apart of my teens and early adulthood growing up in Wales. I feel a loyalty towards the country and culture and I love the idea of my kids speaking two languages and feeling part of their heritage (my dad is welsh and most of my siblings). Although I don't know it super well it has a great feel to it and I know its a really family friendly city.

Neither of us are 'country people' (ha!) we need to live in a city even if it's a small-ish one. Its important to us to that the kids grow up somewhere with people from different countries or different cultures too. That was pretty lacking from a lot of my childhood in a seaside town and I don't really want the same for the kids.


So the next few weeks are kinda crucial for us I guess, to decide if we should stay or go. Part of me feels scared at the thought of leaving and part of me feels scared at the thought of never leaving (if that makes any sense!).

I'd love to know if you ever had to make a decision similar to ours and how you came to a conclusion! 

33 comments:

Debbie said...

We moved close to Cardiff (10miles away) when our children were 6mths and 2. I've never regretted it- whether crossing the M50 or M4, I always have a sense of peace when crossing the border into Wales. Therein speaks the Welsh mother of English children.
The children are now 7 and 9, and we're contemplating moving to the East(ish) of England. And (for me and my English husband) it's a far more difficult decision than moving here from Yorkshire. The joy of Wales is everything is on your doorstep- the hills, the coast, the cities. With England (to me) you have to compromise.
Whatever your perspective, me and him believe wholeheartedly "home is wherever I'm with you"... so really, what have you got to lose? Good luck x

Jojo said...

Hi Fritha,

On a practical note, I think you should remember that the tolls at both of the Severn Bridges are going to be removed at the end of 2018 . My Bristol based estate agent friend believes that's going to spark an increase in the number of people choosing to buy and live in Cardiff, Newport, Chepstow, Magor etc over the more expensive Bristol whilst still working in Bristol. (The roads around Bristol in the rush hour will therefore get even worse and such people will have a really horrid stressful journey however!!). Regardless, my friend believes this will result in a large hike in house prices west of the bridges. Another friend trying to buy in Newport at the moment has already noticed prices going up. So if you're going to make a decision and go, don't wait around too long if you can help it.

charinthecity said...

We are three months into our move to Wales (vale of Glamorgan). We moved from a busy commuter town for London where we had a lovely house in a not so lovely area and with our two boys being under 5 but approaching school age where none of the schools were desirable to us, we made a lifestyle choice to move to a village close to lots of amenities. I love the culture, fresh air, soft water, space, and the beauty on our doorstep. I miss being closer to old friends and the familiarity of our old lifestyle. I’m hoping we’ll settle more as time goes by.

Rachel @ Coffee, Cake, Kids said...

18 months ago we made the decision to move from inner city Birmingham to the North Wales coast. We'd both grown up and lived in Birmingham our entire lives - we lived just five minutes down the road from both of our parents, and our children had started at the infant school I went to almost 30 years ago. It was a HUGE step for us, but one we have nerve regretted. Although we lived in a busy city our whole lives, neither of us are city people and we love th slower paced life here.

Jo said...

I guess I’m the opposite to you in that I’m very much not a city girl but just under a year ago we moved 60miles away for similar reasons to you. We’d outgrown where we were and by moving that little bit further we got more house for our money! It was the first house my husband and I lived in together, we got engaged and married whilst living there, brought our first baby back to that house, and our 2nd baby was born there. I was sad to leave, but I can honestly say I don’t miss it at all. It was definitely the right move for us.

Anonymous said...

Hi Fritha,
We 2.5 years ago made a move from London to Yorkshire. Much for similar reasons to you, house prices, schools, life style. I didn’t realise at the time how stressful it would be. A year after we moved I had a break down, I felt completely like a duck out of water. I missed everything that was familiar, my friends, my routines, my people. We have a lovely house and more money, the kids are happy but I feel completely lost and would love to go back but financially it wouldn’t be possible. Think really hard before you do it, it seems exciting but can be very very unsettling and if you are even slightly anxiety prone can be problematic. Sorry to be gloomy but just wanted to let you know what happened to me. X

Joanna Davis said...

I have actually just been through this, gave up my flat and my stability in the city for a new beginning in the countryside. So far, I am not regretting it. Having an entire house with a garden and a pool for the same price I was paying for my flat, getting to drive around empty roads, waking up every morning to a floor-to-ceiling window out of which I can see the sunrise over the greens and the hills in front as soon as I open my eyes, having my coffee on the terrace, finally having a herb garden... And the quietness, all I hear are birds singing instead of buses at 5am... I don't regret it, even if it was a nightmare to move and I have been through so many different thoughts of should I stay or should I go...

lisa prince said...

i would absolutely love to move , we are currently in a small old mining village which is filled with nothing for our children and old people still living in the past , refusing to move forward . if it wasnt for money , route of all evil lol, we would move somewhere preferrbly away from the village life , i would love to move somewhere with beautiful scenery but i also need shops and places to visit , durham is rather a quiet place for me

Sophie Gillum-Webb said...

We are getting ready to move we have outgrown our house and the area I think! I'm excited but nervous too!!

Anonymous said...

Hey,

I hear your dilemma but change is good. Having spent my whole ive in Glastonbury and Bristol we have finally decided to sell our beautiful home in the Center of Glastonbury for a home in Southampton.
It does mean re-making a home, friends and connections but it offers us so much. Better jobs, the sea, the new forest... tonnes of activities
and a family adventure. Life’s to short to hold back and if you have a calling I’d ride with the tide!! Given your reasons for
Moving is deffo go for it!

Good luck!

Sarah-Louise Bailey said...

Good luck with your choice it is most definitely a big one you have in front of you. I am sure whatever you decide to do you will find happiness and many amazing opportunities ahead of you.

Flossy and Jim said...

I moved to Devon from Swindon ten years ago on my own with the kids and it was so scary but the best thing we ever did! The kids were just the right age I think as they were just starting school and they settled into their new life really well. It was really lonely at first not knowing anyone but now I’m super settled and so glad we did it! If it feels right-go for it! Life is all about these adventures! There is an IKEA in Cardiff too right?! �� ��

Ali - We Made This Life said...

Well I live just outside Cardiff so I would most definitely say you should move here! It's a great place to live with a really fabulous vibe and a lovely little blogging community. I've always moved about myself and love discovering new places, it is a little harder once you have had children though. Best of luck whatever you decide!

Melanies Fab Finds said...

It can be hard to decide sometimes whether to stay or go. It depends on how attached you are to the area and the people there. I am considering moving but haven't found the right place to suit our family yet.

Anonymous said...

I have had 2 big moves with kids in tow not through choice but husbands job, and my thoughts are: the older kids are the harder it is so move when they are young, it takes a very long time to make real friends and develop a support network and for this reason alone if I hadn’t had to move I would not have done, each area has pros & cons- no area is perfect, but I have made a life in each location and enjoyed the good bits, and my top tip for making friends when you move is to look for other people who are new to the area or have a friendship ‘gap’, people who have lived thee whole life in 1 location don’t mean to be unfriendly but they don’t really need new friends as they often have family & old school friends around, so focus friendship building with other new comers, good luck whatever you decide.

Anonymous said...

I would say, your heart knows the answer. It can be scary to listen, but a constant pull and perhaps a regret if you don't.

We moved from a lovely mountain village outside of Sydney back to the city. Although I have wonderful friends, my heart knows I never wanted to leave the mountains. I still feel pulled there, 10 years later.

All the best with the decision.
Eliza

Tina said...

I am a Londoner born and bred and moved to bristol with my partner, who is a Bristolian, over 5 years ago now for the reasons you describe - a better house, area and schools combined with a smaller mortgage and better work/life balance. All of those things are important and they are positives but I really loved london and I still do, and I miss it and feel that I’m not really where I belong. I haven’t fallen for Bristol in the same way and I wish we could afford to move back. What we may do is move somewhere closer to London (in Kent/Sussex/Essex) once my daughter has finished secondary school, but it will depend on her needs at that stage as well as our own and on our finances. So for me one important question would be how much do you love bristol and do you think you would love and enjoy living in Cardiff enough not to regret having left it?

Rhian Westbury said...

If you're even debating moving out of Bristol it means you're heart isn't 100% there and if you can have a better life with more space, in a nicer area there then I think you should go for it x

Jinzo 2400 said...

We moved about miles from Northville to our town about 10 miles away,it was the right choice for us at the time because it had everything we wanted and we could afford it. Based on what you wrote,Cardiff sounds like a good move....

Five Little Doves said...

Ooh exciting times! I live in the same village I grew up in, with my parents down the road and the kids at the same school I went to. And that's where my heart is! Good luck!

Bethany Sibley said...

I really hope that as time goes on a choice becomes easier. It must be exciting at some point to move (I’ve never done so).
New memories when moving, but then old memories leaving the old house, such a tricky one.

Charli Bruce said...

Good luck in whatever you decide to do. We are in the midst of moving away from where we live and it's scary but also feels like the best decision we could ever make x

jenni said...

My partner and I have always lived in the same village and we are definietly ready for a change but it is hard thinking about moving away from family and support

Melanie Williams said...

Such a tough choice when deciding to move...weighing up both the pros and cons is a smart move - good luck with your decision x

Dannii said...

A change is as good as a rest so they say! We moved 6 months ago and it’s the best thing we did for our family.

Anosa Malanga said...

I think if you will have a better place and will be good for you guys and the kids then why not.

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

Debbie - Thank you so much for this comment, I have to say I do find the same thing when I hear Welsh words or see it's unique landscape. Change is never easy is it! Good luck with your move, we actually lived in Yorkshire ages 1-8 and had such a wonderful childhood there, I think the yorkshire folk are similar to the Welsh in many ways haha, very friendly! xx

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

Jojo - Practical is great! You are so right and I think this is another huge benefit and hopefully more people move and more things crop up the area! Thank you I really appreciate your comment xx

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

Charinthecity - I can totally relate to how you must be feeling, that such a big change isn't it. I think I need to be realistic and know that if we do move it will take a while to adjust and might be hard at first! xx

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

Rachel - That is so encouraging to hear! I'm so glad you are loving the new place! x

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

Jo - Oh that's really reassuring to hear thank you so much and I'm so pleased you made the right decision for your family! xx

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

Anon - So sorry to hear you had such a tricky move I really feel for you and this is why I do worry, I guess you just don't know how you will feel until you've done it. I really hope you feel more settled soon x

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

Joanna Davies - A pool wow! Thats amazing! it's incredible how much you can get if you don't live in one of the major cities (Bristol is third most expensive in UK) That so wonderful you've found a better quality of life now x

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