1.10.19

Five things I've learnt about marriage in five years


learnt about marriage what i learned about marriage what ive learned about marriage lessons learned in marriage marriage lessons

Next week is our five year wedding anniversary so I thought it would be apt to write a little post on what I've learned about marriage at that time. Saying that this will also be our eleventh year of being together so I guess you could also title this 'what I've learned about being with someone for over a decade'. Both work. I'll stick with five things though so this doesn't drag on.



As a side note, I'd also say I don't have any experience of marriage without already being parents and so I think the jump from a semi single life to a married one would be more of a change than one when you have already decided to commit on being a family (if that makes sense). Having kids definitely tests your relationship at times! 



I think the most important thing I've learn't in the past few years is that there are definitely more ways to express to someone you love them then stating 'I love you'. Personally, I can become a little complacent at times and forget to make the effort. There's all the day-to-day, the kids our jobs etc and honestly days of staring into each other's eyes and saying those three words don't happen so often anymore. Instead, I've learned there are more ways you can take time out to make sure you're showing your appreciation. A simple 'Thank you' for doing the dishes still means a lot, sure they needed to be done and one of the two of us was going to do it but it goes a long way to remind each other you're there. Another word I'm not so good at is saying 'I'm sorry' honestly I'm working on it! Tom likes to remind me of my way of saying sorry is to say 'I'm sorry we argued' ;)



On that note, so many people seem to tell you to never go to bed on an argument. I'd actually like to say the complete opposite tbh. Sure you can go to bed mad at each other but in the morning more often then not I've totally forgotten why I was even cross. See also, don't take score (I am the worst for this).

Having time alone, and actually not alone time with each other. Time to be our own selves and give each other some space. I think this is especially important when you work together because we see A LOT of each other. Having our own time and interests also gives us something to talk to each other about. Sometimes this can be as simple as taking time out to go for a run and sometimes it's something bigger like a night away with a friend. I think this is also so true of being a parent. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that, even if it's just for an hour or so on the weekend.



We are not the same people we were when we got married.

Even five years ago I can see I was a different person to who I am now to me in my twenties. First off we've added another child to the mix so those last few years have been mainly spent pretty sleep deprived. I'm also even further from who I was 11 years ago at 22. Sometimes the fact that we still love and want to be with each other all this time later as two very different people than we were in our early twenties still amazes me.

So you grow together. Don't expect them to be the same person as they were because you probably aren't either. You're probably both a bit more tired, a bit rounder around the middle maybe and a bit wiser (debatable) but you realise you love each other for different reasons now too. In fact, I prefer us now than then and I'm excited to see who we are in another 5 years time!

Constantly work at it. I honestly don't believe there is a magic one person for everyone. Call me cynical but I think a lot of it is chance and connection and then some work. Sometimes less work and sometimes a lot more but always making that effort and taking that time. Our marriage is in no way perfect but its perfect for us. It takes work but I think all the best things are worth working for.

Photos by Through the Woods we Ran - We got some couple shots done to mark 5 years
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