A journey

Some more photos from my time away. Wilf is lucky to have such good aunty and uncles. Actually Wilf is very taken by Madog, perhaps knowing he is the closest in age to him (ten years apart) they would play chase round and round the kitchen table. When Madog would get further away in one direction Wilf would turn around and chase him the other way. 
I think he was also beyond happy to find that the highest level off the house held two rooms full of brightly coloured objects and soft toys, it was a nice break from him pulling out all the books from the many bookcases my parents have about the place. 
Wilf was under the weather our entire stay and coupled with my extreme exhaustion I cant say we were on the best spirits. Still if you cant show your worst around your family then who can you? On the day before my journey back I began to feel awful, clearly coming down with whatever Wilf was now recovering from. I thought about cancelling my journey back the next day but I was eager to see Tom and suddenly hugely more appreciative of how much he does help me. So I travelled the next day, now with a fever (that only kicked in two hours into the journey and no time to change my mind and return) I endured the six hour train ride home. When I got half way and to change change, I began to shiver and shake, to sweat and feel weak. I found my station and rocked and kissed an overtired baby and I kept telling myself 'just get on the train, find a seat and we will soon be home'. When the train arrived it was completely over crowded and full of young men carrying ironing boards, I couldn't work out where they were going but presumed (in my non sensible state) that they were all going to a business convention..
Getting on the train there was only room in the corridor between carriages, I say room but I was falling over suitcases littered around the space. Still carrying Wilf in the sling (now both quite overheated) and feeling feverish I stood for twenty minutes before seeing stars and falling over, sideways thankfully and not hurting Wilf. A man in his late fifties got up and insisted I have his seat, the lady next to him saying loudly that 'there are twenty or so young men in this carriage and not one you gave up your seat'. It turned out that they were off to join the army! Tom said later if only their sergeant knew they would surely be given extra press ups for letting a unwell mother carrying her child stand in a crowded corridor. 
When I got home (and Tom got home a few hours later) I literally crawled into bed. I haven't been that unwell for a really long time, shaking and not being able to speak properly. Tom took care of Wilf all night and I was so sick I didn't/couldn't even breastfeed him. I guess in a way this was one of those times when you realise something by accident. Wilf doesn't actually need to be feed during the night! Since that night I have tried to feed Wilf only three times during the night as although I actually really love snuggling up and nursing him at night I honestly think this is one of the reasons he wakes so frequently, out of habit and out of knowing that I will aways be there for a little comfort feed. Part of me feels a bit bad to deny him this as his whole life he has had nursing as a way to feel protected and calm and for us both to bond but if it helps us both get more sleep I think the time is right. I am currently feeding him at bedtime, then again at 10pm (although he will have woken at least four times by then) and then again at 1am. I hope to cut the 1am one out first but I felt it better to cut down from say 12 times to three rather than completely cut out all of the night feeds. Also I have tried not feeding him at 1am and after two hours of a grumpy baby I realised that this wasn't helping either of us right now and to take things a little slower. 
After that big 'ol rant back here Wilf's sleep did improve, from 45mins to two hour stretches. He will sleep in his cot and therefore I am sleeping in the other room and going into some deep sleeps at last. I do miss co sleeping but we needed to do something to change and I think that at a year its the right time. I don't think co sleeping is/was the cause of Wilf's bad sleeping, in fact without it I would have surely gone insane a lot sooner but I feel like now is the right time for all of us to change our sleeping habits. That being said we still have our morning cuddles and dozes which are lovely. 
Now with a cold (thanks Winter and the sudden influx of a million bugs!) we are back down to 45mins but such is life. At least I know he is capable of doing more so thats a positive and I really feel like we are working towards something now!
I also thought I should mention how much Tom is helping me (not that he didn't before, and I think probably does a lot more than most) but we are now sharing all the night get ups 50/50, which has been such a massive improvement for my general well being and something I really appreciate considering he has to then spend a full day at work. It's a great comfort to know we are tackling this sleep thing together and despite the really tiring or rough days we have each other for support, which ultimately makes us even stronger as a couple. So in conclusion to this ramble..things are on the up! xoxo 


Cathy said...

Wilf and your little brother look a lot alike in that photo - same nose and eye shape!

Dilan Dilir said...

so lovely photos:)

Ciara said...

You poor thing that sounds dreadful :(
We have been sick this week and I was only saying the other day how hard it must be to be ill and not be able to "check out". To have to keep going because you have kids to look after. Hope you are feeling better now :)

Penny'sMamma said...

Oh my goodness- not one person allowed you to sit with your sweet boy, what idiots!

..I hope Wilf decides sleep is cool soon! I can't even begin to imagine how your coping. Even if you feel your not- I'm in total awe. I think it's great Tom helps so much- Joe is really hands on and I know at times I probably don't appreciate just how much at times.

I have just one child on Monday avro and Tuesday avro- Joe is off, so he's having P.. so if you fancy getting together.if your free...and if you've had a good night ofc.


Tigerlilly Quinn said...

@cathy Oh do you think! I'd not noticed! :) x

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

@dilan thank you xx

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

@checiara ah you are so right, ha! You really just cant switch off. I'm very lucky to have Tom though x

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

@Fern Thank you! That sounds great xx

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