Meet Ashley from The Stork and the Beanstalk

Hello, my name is Ashley. I write The Stork & The Beanstalk and suggested a blog swap to Fritha, in the spirit of the Blog Hop she is so kindly hosting. I love being a part of the blogging community and getting to know fellow bloggers is always an added bonus. You can blame me for the ridiculous questionnaire below. I stole it from one of those back-in-the-day facebook get-to-know-your-friends survey. So don't go blaming Fritha for my crazy shenanigans. You can read Fritha's answers over on my blog and also enter to win a pretty rad giveaway to her beautiful etsy shop. If you don't check it out, you're crazy. Onto the madness...

1. What time did you get up this morning? 
This is the first question and I'm already confused. Do you want to know what time it was when I first got out of bed or what time it was when I got out of bed for good? I have a six month old. Lets not be foolish.
2. How do you like your steak? 
A vegetarian would say back in the cow. I, however, would say on the plate before me. Preferably with some creamy sauce. And a side of french fries. Because french fries go with everything. Except maybe mash potatoes. 
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? 

Cinema? What are we, living in 1940? If you're talking about what the modern day refers to as the movie theatre, well then the last flick (slang for movie you old hags) I saw was "The Perks of Being a Wallflower". 
4. What is your favorite TV show? 
Cops. The first and best reality TV show. My favorite episode being the one with the snake handler. If you are not familiar with this episode, you're really missing out.
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? 
Am I more than 41 weeks pregnant? Because this has happened twice and each time I wanted to reside for the remainder of my days in a hole. If I'm not fat and anxious, I'd live in San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua. Or I'd return to San Francisco, where I lived previously for five years.
6. What did you have for breakfast? 
A belgium waffle with whip cream. I know, I know...
7. What is your favorite cuisine? 

French fries. 
8. What foods do you dislike? 
Lets just say I eat my vegetables with a full glass of water and an expression on my face that makes you think someone just shoved vomit in my mouth.
9. Favorite Place to Eat? 
With children or without? With children = in private. Without children = Anywhere that keeps my wine glass from ever nearing empty.
10. Favorite dressing? 
French fries. I know, it doesn't make sense. I'm trying to make a point. 
11. What kind of vehicle do you drive? 
A very dirty one with two car seats and, at any given time, an empty water bottle, a grocery list scribbled on a piece of scratch paper, and a blanket in the back. 
12. What are your favorite clothes? 
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? 
Cuba. For the second time. Because the first time was that awesome.
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
I can't tell... It's in one of those metal canisters that I just saw on the news because children are reportedly getting their tongues stuck in them. It's true. And it made the news. I would have rather heard a story on the news anchors fake tits or lips but, you know, tongues getting stuck in bottles is clearly more urgent.
15. Where would you want to retire? 
In my pajamas.
16. Favorite time of day? 
When both kids are napping at the same time. It's happened once or twice.
17. Where were you born? 
Van Nuys. Where porn is filmed in your neighbors yard. No, really.
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? 
20. Are you a morning person or a night person? 
I'm a whenever-both-kids-are-napping person. Please refer to #16.
21. Pets? 
Sarah. Human name and tiger stripes, but she's a dog.
22. Any new and exciting news that you'd like to share? 
The Mayans were wrong. The world didn't end. And, oh yeah, don't stick your tongue in metal water bottles (please refer to # 14).
23. What did you want to be when you were little? 
A gymnast. 
24. What is your best childhood memory?
Teaching gymnastics to neighborhood friends in the front yard with my sister, being found by my mom in between the clothing racks at a store when I thought I was lost, riding bikes in campgrounds where the smell of pine trees filled the air. 

25. Are you a cat or dog person?
I once had someone proposition me to kill their cat. I considered it. 
26. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? 
I'd rather no max out my credit card. I'd rather someone else max out their credit card on my behalf. They can pick the store and I'll spend their money. Any takers?
27. Always wear your seat belt? 
I used to, but then people started telling me I didn't need to wear it unless I was in the car. 

28. Been in a car accident? 
29. Any pet peeves?
I lie. Who doesn't have pet peeves? Here's a few: 

-The length of time it takes my husband to shit on the toilet. I mean really, why must men sit over it for so long?
-That sucking/slurping sound people make while cleaning their teeth off with their tongue. One woman I work with does this constantly. I try not to sit by her.
-Day light savings. Gimme my sunlight back, dammit.
-Conversations where the dialogue consists of movie quote after movie quote. I can't remember movie quotes for nothin' and I'm always confused during these conversations.
-The sock monster that lives in the dryer.
-Calling a company and having to talk to a computer that doesn't understand my swear words and doesn't take my anger or impatience into account.

 30. Favorite pizza topping? 
Cheese. I eat like a 9 year old. I don't like things mixed or touching. Burritos, for example, scare me.
31. Favorite Flower?
I pretty much feel the same about all flowers. 

32. How many times did you fail your driver's test? 
I didn't. I studied because I really wanted to be able to drive myself to Denny's so I could eat a grilled cheese and fries whenever my heart so desired.
33. From whom did you get your last email? 
Some insurance company inquiring about sponsorship on my blog ::scratches head:: I'm not seeing the connection... 

34. Are you married? 
I am. Willy is my husband and I'm taking a photo a week of him every week this year. You can check them out here. He's handsome, right? He farts very loud every morning. 
35. Do anything spontaneous lately? 
I spontaneously let a little pee out last time I coughed. I delivered two nine pound babies vaginally, cut me some slack.

 36. Like your job? 
I'll tell what I don't like: I don't like not having a job and having to sell my body on the street corner. 

 37. Broccoli?
This question confuses me. 
38. What was your favorite vacation? 
Any one that involved a passport is engraved as a favorite in my book.
39. Last person you went out to dinner with? 
My husband. And children. We were feeling brave. It was a hole in the wall Mexican place down the street and I thought I was going to freeze because the door was cracked open to allow the power plug to run to their food truck that was parked in the front. On the brighter side, I drank a coke made in Mexico in a glass bottle. Those are always the best.
40. What are you listening to right now? 
Willy making babbling noises at Van so that I can finish this ridiculous questionnaire. Fritha, I'm sorry to have subjected you to my crazy antics. 
41. What is your favorite color? 
Would you believe that this question has been the one holding me up. I can't choose.

42. Have you ever been robbed?
Only of sleep. Kindly refer to question #1.
43. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
I hate when I have to be a crayon because Sarah (our dog) always eats me. Thus, we stopped playing the dress-up-as-a-crayon game.

44. Do you drink?
I'd be dehydrated otherwise. 

45. Red bull or coffee?
Neither. Because I'm breastfeeding. Please refer to #16 regarding children sleeping being my favorite time of day. Caffeine doesn't bode well when trying to get an infant to nap. 

Thanks for being part of my blog Ashley! (funny and pretty and yet I don't resent her)


Anonymous said...

loved the answers! that photo with the dog biting the nappy is fantastic!

unfounddoor said...

I am jealous of your breakfast, and I feel your pain as to the inexplicably long husband-craps (I've taken to hiding out in the bathroom and shouting "I'm pooing!" as a totally legit way to gain a few minutes peace and quiet. I think husband may have caught onto that before me?)

Dog nappy picture is genius.

I like you.

Kate Pirouette said...

These answers made me chuckle! And I am poorly and grumpy so that's no mean feat :)

Just Pirouette and Carry On...

abigailemily said...

Haha love this so much! A great way to brighten up my morning! Such a good idea to do a little blog swap, spread the love mmmhmmm...

Tigerlilly Quinn said...

Patricia I do that too!! x

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